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TBilquis Khan

Fathers name: Yousuf Khan

Mothers name: Aminah Khan

Country of Birth:


Year of birth: 1990

Places of Residence:

Industrial estate Pulwama Kashmir

Brothers/sisters: I have a brother fondly known as 'Ehsaan'.

Studies: Law student, but 'Science' is something i fly with.

Profession: Painter| lover| dreamer| proud cook

Here i go

Known as :

Birth Name :

Birth Date :
April 17, 1990

Birth Place :
Dangerpora Pulwama Kashmir

Claim to fame :
My dance skills.
My Height is:Tall enough My weight is:Light enough What turns me on:Perfumes What turns me off:Myself My favorite Perfume:White Musk My weakness:I've never understood myself. My best and only friend: Tajaly Munaza 'My friend,philosopher and guide. Completed my schooling at Holy Mission secondry High School. My favorite books are: A year by the sea, Love in the time of cholera, les miserable, The Alchemist and oliver twist. My favorite movies are: The boy in the striped pajamas, The kite runner, Notebook etc.
End chapter 1

Life Extended

Caged dreams
To think clearly without hurry or confusion; To love everybody sincerely; To act in everything with the highest motives; To trust God unhesitatingly. A simple and ordinary girl ever. Aiming to explore the world. Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds
Are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me.

It is in this darkness that i have found all light,somehow become so bright, a shooting star on a stormy night. Watch me rise like smoke from fire.

Watch me fly above your anger.

Watch me dance upon your meanness
like a ballerina with posture; grace.

Watch me laugh over your hatred;
watch me soar above your sea of grief.
And know that I am out there somewhere. . Still alive with a tag of being the most controversial girl , thanks, to all the rumour mongers. I am misunderstood by one & all but still i am cute. Believe me when i say that i can do anything for the people i love & care for. Nobody who is close to me can ever say that i've ever fallen short of their expectations,i can give my life for them. i hate people trampling over my emotions, that's the reason why i avoid making friends. And of course i've my family my parents, my brother who is very close to me. I can confidently say that nobodyj is perfect in this world. We all have our imitations just as we have our plus points, & we all try to come as near as possible to our conception of the perfection, that's human nature and that's life. Some people make themselves out to be good samaritians by projecting only good side which may not necessarily be true. I am affable & down to earth sort of person. My major weakness is that i get too friendly to everyone & i start trusting them. I am gullible to all their lies & stories, i have been taken for a royal ride innumerable times,yet i don't seem to learn a lesson. Inspite of all this i've not become bitter or cynical & this shows the positive attitude that i've towards life. I cannot be a pessimist.Neither can i be a hypocrite.I am very frank.I've noticed that many people get unnerved with the way i speak.But my intention is definitely not to hurt the sentiments of other's around.I've the conviction to stand by what i say.I will definitely not lie to safe guard my intrests & i just cannot be diplomatic.I've always been a vivacious girl,somebody who has been full of life.I cannot sit quietly in a corner brooding or sulking.C''mon you live once so make the most of it. I agree i am childish & immature at times but that's the way i am.................
'Lonely and sad my mood again swings
with a wish that if I had wings
in a flash I would fly
high and high in the sky

happy and free in the clouds
where glee and joy knew no bounds
to a land unknown of grief and dismay
and make my heart feel happy and gay
where anger and frown never stayed a while
and faces around were glued with a smile

but in my head now i hear a scream
its time to come out of the dream
into the world full of bodies without a soul
and in their hearts a deep dark hole

this is nothing but a pity
that now I'am back into reality
with no clouds around and no wings
stress and boredom is all that stings

lonely and sad now I silently cry
I wish I had wings and I could fly

times when i just can't
say what i want to shout
i am afraid when it comes out
it will all be wrong;

as the drama unfolds
putting me dead in the center
of an unexpected storm
i keep moving in circles;

try as much as possible
i am stuck inside this cell
even with the keys in my hand
i am unable to open the lock;

as the walls close in on me
i feel suffocated and fear
i would just be another victim
of her morbid games;

as the world closed in on me,
fear no longer an excuse
i took a deep breath
and out came what i suppressed inside;

as i lay there exhausted and confused
you lift me higher, take my spirit and make it fly,
to the moon up in the sky,
bringing a sparkle to my dreams
End chapter 2

Life grew up

I always thought I was a fat kid. I was told I was a fat kid. My food was always monitored and it seemed I was always being put on a diet or some food restriction. I grew up being led to believe that being fat was a very bad thing. I didn't understand this because both my mother and my grandmother who I lived with were fat. My grandma was fat, but she was fit. She used to mow an acre and a half of yard with a push mower in her fifties and sixties with no problems at all. She used to garden for hours out on her hands and knees, weeding and planting and reaping her crop. She was my first role model of a fit and fat woman and I thought she was the coolest.I am a girl who loves to laugh who loves to fly with the wind. I am a girl who loves to smile and to make friends.I am a girl or a friend that would accept you whoever you are and whatever the situation is. I'm 24 and I've been a tomboy for as long as I can remember. I used to play football and cricket when I was 6 but ever since I started looking more feminine, it seems boys are hesitant to play with girls. I never wore dresses and never bothered to look good with make up. I always hanged out with boys since I never really understood girls and their fashion senses.
When I moved to school, I did drama and I had to play different characters. One was a mayor "“ so one day I decided to dress the part. I wore a three piece suit to school and everyone asked why. Though I did say it was for drama, a part of me didn't enjoy having to explain myself to people. I also felt as if I was giving an excuse to wear it "“ and I was. My role did not require me to dress like that, but when I grabbed my brother's waistcoat and tie, and I looked in the mirror. I never felt more happy.

I always used to wear t-shirts and items that my mum would deem appropriate for my gender. But, ever since I dressed for my role "“ I wanted to dress everyday like that.
I used to glance and admire, but never dare to enter the men's section since I cared what other people perceived of me. But now, with a pixie cut and a "˜not give a rats-ass' attitude, I have more freedom and I enter as I please. However my parents are against me dressing like a boy. "You're a girl, so you should act like one!". It's still hard to convince them that this is who I am but I don't really allow their comments to get to me. (But sometimes it still irks me).

I've learnt that people are naturally going to judge you, but you shouldn't allow it to get to you. You should dress as you please and do what makes you happy. Afterall, it is your life and they are not the one's living it, so make the most of it. :)
End chapter 3

My savage Epilogue

The mystery in me
The tick of the clock haunts me and I beg it for mercy. My heart seems a galloping stallion in my chest, screaming with each beat "don't want to live no more". Feeling more alone than ever, tears are welling up in my eyes. I am my own worst enemy. I am the architect of my own destruction. I took my life downhill so steadily on my own, in my senses. I find myself questioning every choice I make, every word I utter. I am defeated and exhausted now, no i can't take it no more. I can't take it no longer. I must have been born to suffer. My life is manifesting the limits beyond my control. In a dilemma weather to stay in or drop out, but i see I am at profit in my death. I think i have reached the end of the trail. I ain't meant for this world. It seems from the past couple of years that i lived 21 years too many. I feel like stuck in a vicious cycle with no escape howsoever. But i remind myself each day that I have reasons to fight, reasons to keep going through the hardships I have brought on myself I'm just so afraid of tomorrow. Should I even bother trying anymore? I may seem strong, but I'm tired now, very tired. I'm just like anyone else. I feel certain that I am going mad now, no i can't take it no more. Can't go through more of these terrible times. And I shan't recover next time, i ain't got no strength now, i am shattered. I lost sight of the future. Isn't it ironic that the very things that are killing me are the same things that have made me strong enough to never die? Very analoguos to the fact that the dreams in which i am dying are the best i ever had. I wrench it inside out and ponder it again, I shine a light into each corner looking for hidden meaning or false walls mostly hidden underneath my past, to shed myself off it. But it was to stare back in my ugly face and refuse me any strength over it as always. This thought carried more pain with it than any other scrape. Oh Almighty! why do i feel so helpless? Alone to walk again and i find the rage that will keeps my feet moving, and there is plenty of it, never ending, its an eternal spring that will never dry!

Tears stinging my eyes by the weight of the betrayal I feel every living moment turns to utter despair! Couldn't count on anyone else.I find myself nowhere to be, nowhere to hide, nowhere to go, all on my own.

It never stops

It never will

© TBilquis Khan | 2014
End chapter 4

Eternal longing

I love you
I can't wait for a year more

For i feel very cold and frore

It was your fleeting glance

For my heart did dance

Now that you are away

My life is all stray

I fight for you, while you hide

And its not your pride, i abide

Even though its not 'we'

Still, you apprehend me

I can't wait for a year more

For i feel very cold and frore

Am tarnished of this malady

This tormenting, aching malady

And all this resentment and all this pain

I have pleaded, and bleated; all in vain

Time ain't something you can borrow

But i promise, i will be there tomorrow

I will wait for a year more

For waiting for you is the chore

I will wait for a year more

I will wait for a year more

© TBilquis Khan
End chapter 5

My seniors

The risers
It's tough to say goodbye

To a person so valued

In your absence this college

Is going to be so subdued

It's hard to bid farewell

To a person so respected

Without you this college

Will feel so deserted

It's difficult to see you go

The college will be stripped bare

Of the person who gave it

The most amount of care

Do you remember

All those inconsequential conversations

All that casual banter

And those faulty decisions

Do you recollect

All that infectious laughter

And those never ending lunch breaks

Which we thought made us smarter

I will miss every moment

I spent with you mate

If I ever get a chance to work with you again

I would love to collaborate. With whom will I discuss the homework of the day

To whom will I always have something to say

Who will help me sort things out when I fumble

Who will watch my back when gossip rumbles

Who will cover up for my absence like you

It is a pity that I won't see you at work anymore

Coming to work every day will feel like a boring chore.

Wherever you go

May your skills bring productivity

Wherever you go

Your talent, may your seniors see

Wherever you go

May your abilities fetch you accolades

Wherever you go

May your glory never fade

Wherever you go

Success, may you see

Wherever you go

May you always remember me
TBilquis Khan
End chapter 6

Do you love me? A poem by 'Maulana Jallaludin Rumi R.A

You are in my heart forever
A lover asked his beloved,
Do you love yourself more
than you love me?
The beloved replied,
I have died to myself
and I live for you.

I've disappeared from myself
and my attributes.
I am present only for you.
I have forgotten all my learning,
but from knowing you
I have become a scholar.

I have lost all my strength,
but from your power
I am able.
If I love myself
I love you.
If I love you
I love myself.
End chapter 7