On the 6th of December 1997 a baby girl was born. She was quite an average baby. her parents named her Rianna Jade Reid, She had two older brothers and two older sisters, than later a younger brother. Reached her milestones at the right age to go to her local primary school at the age of 5. Her childhood was far from the the 'average' childhood. From the age of seven this girl experienced years of sexual abuse, bullying, family breakdowns, mental illnesses and eating disorders. This girl was me and this is my story.
I don't truly remember the first time I was molested. I remember the man. T**** Blackhead. Still gives me shivers down my spine hearing that name. It started off with the hugs. Innocent enough. It escalated over time. This man was older than my father. I believed that kisses and hugs off of men were normal. I never met a man at that stage that meant me harm. I had my father, uncles and teachers. They were the only adults that I knew. I was so naive and innocent at that stage. It was expected from a seven year old to be. When it escalated I didn't know what to do. At school they would teach us about stranger danger but this man I knew for a year was no stranger. He worked for my grandma and grandpa. One of my brothers,Hayden, had a disability and my parents would often drop me and my younger brother, Axel, over to their house. As his anger rose me and Axel would be placed in their care. T*** had his opportunity and he took it. One of my worst memories of his assaults was the day after my eighth birthday. I went over to my grandmas to receive my gift. T**** called me over to the downstairs area where he was working on a extension. I did not know why I went there. I don't know why I didn't tell anybody at that stage. I walked over downstairs and was taken by surprise when I was shoved against the bricks. He pounced on me sticking his tongue down my throat. This was the first of his many violent encounters with me.He placed his hand down my pants and started feeling me up. I started to cry as he told me that if I were to tell he would do the same to Axel. Telling me to shutup when I would whimper I wondered why nobody upstairs was coming down to check on me. It felt like a lifetime I was down there. When I arose upstairs Hayden and my father were in a heated argument. My back was bleeding but not heavily. My older sister by one year, Kathryn , asked me what happened. I laughed and told her I fell. Another memory was the first time he had raped me. I knew what sex was and he had done sexual things to me but never penetrated. After it happened I called my mum. I thought the bleeding was normal. At school the older girls had told me about periods and I thought that was it. I told mum that I have my period. I was a bigger girl so it was expected for me to get my period sooner than others. Nobody cared that I was 9 and the period lasted a day. My mum even took me out to celebrate with chocolate cake and milkshakes. My real period came at the age of twelve.
As expected I was an outcast from my school. I never participated. I would stand in the back. I didn't have any friends up to fifth grade. My jaw didn't develop and as a result I had an overbite. Combine that with being overweight and quiet you have the perfect target. I would be teased in class and beaten on the play ground. I would spend most of my days in the library. I was pretty smart for my age as I read through a majority of the books at the library. I remember the first ever friend I made. Rochelle . She was the total opposite of me. She was loud and a prankster but she was bullied too for her teeth. The difference between her and I was the fact she was an only child. Technically. She had a half brother, Luke, but to her mum she was her little princess. I never did understand her family. I loved it there though. It was the only time I would be myself. She truly took me out of my shell. We were tomboys for sure. We would get into trouble for having mud fights in the rain and burying ourselves in dirt, walking into the classroom as if nothing was abnormal.
In high school things changed. Over the course of the Summer holidays I had developed severe bulimia. I entered high school being a below average weight. I had gotten a retainer for my jaw and I looked quite average. I made friends with two girls in my class. Monique and Tiana. We were dubbed the 'Three musketeers," For the three years we spent at the junior campus. I still remember my first real relationship. Patick. He entered my class from Mudgee. He was a sweet kid. Taller than me and a little chubby. He was a great boyfriend. I dated him for almost a year until we broke up. Still to this day we are best friends. Another friend I had made was Tayla Blackhead. At first I was terrified. The last name reminded me of what was going on behind closed doors. Soon though I got to know her and her life. I felt at ease with her. It was quite weird. I had never felt so carefree before in my life. When I was 15 years old, Rochelle moved away. We kept in contact for two years but over the course of time we drifted apart. I felt as though a sister had left. I missed the hell out of her. Heck I still miss her. In the same year Rochelle moved away I had gotten a part time job at the local McDonalds. So stereotypical. It was fun though. I made new friends too. This was also the same year I was sent to the emergency room for trying to kill myself.
I don't remember much of that night. I had cut my wrist before but this time I was just cutting out of pure anger. I remember being in my room realizing that my arm had too much blood so I went for my legs, stomach, ankles and neck. All I saw was red. The bed that I had when I was 15 years old would never be seen again. I spent a week in the mental hospital. Doctors were asking why I would do this. I didn't want to tell about T***. It was growing worse and now he was following me everywhere. I told people it was because of the bullying. School held an assembly after that. I went back to school after a month. I told everybody that I had gone to Queensland as I did not want to be an outcast again. Nobody looked close enough to see what was happening to me. I entered hospital a dozen times until l I reached adulthood after that event. I was put on anti depressants. My siblings looked down on me. My eldest brother started abusing his prescription pain medication. My eldest sister would never be seen sober and my older brother would always be so angry to the point of violent outbursts. When I turned sixteen I met a girl named Sara. She was sweet and hung out with me at times. She was a smoker and to look cool I started smoking too.
A few months after knowing this girl I came home from work. I checked my Facebook as per usual and saw all the posts. Sara had hung herself and died. I would never see her again. I didn't know how to react. I just didn't. When my mum came out to check on me I told her. She told me that I didn't look to upset and to go to bed. The next day at school we had extra psychologists sent in but after a week nobody cared. The memorial we set up for her was deemed "Out of Bounds" and nobody could ever go near it on lunch breaks. A life was taken and the school was trying to shut it off. Like she didn't exist. She was real and had a heart. I miss her still. I still carry on the habit of smoking.
It was also in this year I had spoken up about the abuse going on. Court took almost a year with the AVO constantly being broken. Court would ask me questions like "What were you wearing" and similar things like that. I never understood why. I was seven when it started. I could've been running around butt naked and still not be deemed as "Sexual". I guess they might of had their reasons but I was never told. Court went on and off for a year constantly being adjourned again and again. He served four years and had to pay a fine too. He fought against that too. Asking for an appeal. He still served four years for ruining nine of mine.
In 11th grade I truly rebelled. I would often truant classes to smoke by the basketball courts or go to the local shopping center. I still passed all my classes though. I would often confuse my parents by getting a suspension warning and an invitation to academic assemblies at the same time in the mail. I took up more hours than normal at work. There was one manager Lauren who I really liked to hang out with. When I told her about the court case she would never let me leave the store alone. When I would be forgotten by my father or mother to be dropped home after work she would volunteer to give me a lift. By volunteer I mean she wouldn't let me leave. I would stay back with her venting all of my issues to her and I knew she wouldn't get sick of me. she told me her issues too and stories about work. I never told her about the bulimia. Bulimia still controlled my life at that point. Whenever I would skip meals though she would lecture me and convince me to buy food. I always ended up eating.
In year 12 I was a prefect. Somehow through all of this I ended up a still achieving greatly in academic skills. I was a vice president of the junior AECG (Aboriginal Education Consultive Group). I achieved early entry into University and before my 18th birthday was on the right track to recovery. I don't know why the horrid things in the past happened to me. I don't care much either. it happened and I am stronger because of it. I see a physiologist every second week and just recently celebrated my 18th birthday. I have made it this far. I have my close friends now. I visit Sarah's grave often, but I do not feel the need to weep no more. I will miss her, yes, but now I know that she is in fact happy. No matter what I can't take that away from her. The bullies of my past have hard lives now. I feel sorry for them. Either dropped out and in the life of drugs or pregnant. I hope they can improve their lives. I am writing this so my future self can see that I am strong. I can cope through these series of event in my childhood and still recover. My eldest brother is improving and so are my other siblings. One of my other sister had a child only a few months ago. My little niece, Ruby, is such a free spirit. Nothing will ever harm her. I will always be there for her. I need to remember this for when I am older and she is a little ball of sass like her mother. I am hoping to move out soon. Get away from this place. I will start new. I will never forget my past. I will never forget how I overcame all of this. I am strong. I can make it though this. I am me.
