I don't really know where to start...but let's just start here.
I have been depressed since I was about 8-9 years old, people have always seen me as the happy little girl. And that's one of the main problems why I can't open myself to people, I don't wanna disappoint them. I have been cutting myself since I was about 10, it has become a habit. I can't stop it, I deserve the scars on my wrists and thighs. I'm scared of love, because everyone that I loved disappeared from my life. My sister and my brother and some really good friends. My big sister has always been my role model, I love her so much. I haven't met her in like 4-5 years which sucks. Because my parents told me she has done some stupid and immature things when she was younger, but seriously. She's mature now, she has a husband and a kid which I have NEVER met before. And the things she did was years ago, she has even apologized of all the things. And the strange thing is that she lives 30 minutes away from me. My biological mom is in jail, I don't know her name or what she looks like. She has tried to kill me and my dad when I was a baby, she tried to blow up the house that me and my dad was living in. She tried to hit me with a hammer but my dad protected me so that he was beaten. She got in jail because of drug problems and she almost killed a man, I also heard it on the news one morning. I've been bullied since kindergarten by a girl, but no one ever knew about it. I had to lie to my teachers and my parents when I was a kid that she was my best friend because she forced me to it. When I was in the fourth grade I had enough of her, when the school day was over I ran home to mom crying and yelling that I wanna switch school. So i did, the school was great. I got a new friend (which is my best friend today) that also liked anime c: I have been in this school for three years now, this summer was great. I was happy to start school again and meet my best friend, as I walked in to the classroom I could not believe my eyes. That girl who bullied me was sitting in my classroom and smirking at me, she has started in my class. My happy days are over, she's always staring at me. A couple week's ago I gave up, I couldn't take it anymore, I hated myself so much. My friend was going to pick me up so we could go to school together one morning, but that morning in 07.26 I disappeared. I ran away to a forest and hide myself from all the problems, I was gone in 6-7 hours. My whole class was searching after me, the police was about to search for me right before I got home. My dad rarely cries, but when I got home he cried a lot and told me how much he loved me and that I should never disappear again. My best friend ran to me and hugged me, she was also crying. I can't forget that day. I am still so much more depressed today then I was before that, I don't get it.
Thank you so much whoever read all this, hugs <3