Ever since I can remember, growing up was something to look forward too. It was exciting and fun. I only wish someone had told me what life's really about.
I grew up in a very lds family. We went to church every Sunday. We said prayers, we never broke the sacrement, and going on a mission was everyone's life goal. It was suppose to be the right way. The only way. I thought everyone did this. That everyone in the world knew this and that this was the way the everyone was suppose to live. I had a very sheltered life, everything that happened, happened for a reason and God had a reason behind every trial he gave us. I'm not so sure I believe that anymore. As I grew up and I was exposed to more and more I begain dispising the lds religion. I didn't think it was fair I had to follow all these stupid rules and other kids didn't have to. I begain becoming very rebellious to going to church, saying prayers, anything to do with the lds religion. I tried to refraine from doing anything the lds church wanted. I refused to pay tithing because I didn't think it was fair to give my only little bit of money that I worked hard for and hardly had in the first place to some fictional being that I never had seen met or even heard. I hated church activities, praying, it was all a waste of time in life that could be used in far better ways. I wasn't allowed to do many things, have a boy friend, have sleepovers, go places on Sunday, wear what I wanted, speak what I wanted. I can't tell you how embarrassing it was to tell my friends or boys I liked I couldn't do the things everyone else was. I begain feeling very sad and depressed having to be the girl who isn't allowed to move the wrong way. When I was 12 my parents divorced because my mom had had an affair with some other guy In the church. I couldn't believe it. My mom who forced us to be so righteous regardless of our beliefs had done the absolute worst thing you can do in the lds church. As a result she was excommunicated from the lds church. I was so happy... No more church... No more being forced into something I didn't believe. My father disappeared for a while. Leaving us under my mothers care not calling or having any contact with us. My mom started dating leaving after work till early in the morning leaving me to practically raise my siblings while she went to work and galavanting at night. Eventually she met someone and he starred coming around more and more. Since my dad went away bills were still around and needed to be paid. My mom couldn't afford them so we moved from our home in clearfeild Utah to kaysville Utah where we moved into my grandpas home. My grandma had ms so my mom started caring for her everyday while my grandpa worked. I learned to do many things as a kid that most wouldn't need to know. My grandma became bedridden so we had to do everything for her. My mom got remairred and he moved in with us. Everything was ok. My grandpa had bought me two horses because I loved them so much. I rode whenever I possibly could. My mom and her husband would get into fights and eventually it got worse and worse. One day I was pushed to call the cops because they got into it so bad. They were throwing things at each other, they were hitting each other and yelling and screaming. My grandparents were away at there cabin in Wyoming. I gathered my siblings and went outside. My mom at the time was pregnant. They continued to fight vigorously. He ended up pushing my mom down the stairs. I wasn't gunna let it happen any longer I took my siblings to the neighbors and had the neighbor call 911. In the end they made up and all was fine. Or at least for now. My stepdad has a daughter, she isn't like other kids she is different. Didn't havd friends and was overly social with strangers ppl were very weary of her. at one point our neighbor was keeping a baby rabbit at our house till they figured something else out. One day while we were All at school she decided to hang the rabbit by a rope tying it to a tree and killing it. When my mom told me about what happened I seriously thought something was wrong with her and she needed help. Serious help.

I grew up and moved to taylorsville Utah where I met my husband Joseph Valentine. We eloped in Vegas. We got a one bed apt and life was good. I cannot work due to issues I have that I can't help. I have severe social anxiety bipolar depression and ocd. I begain escorting and the amount of money I was making was a amount hard to say anything about the fact of what I did to get it. I made a lot of money. Eventually it wore away at my conscious so I stopped doing it forcing us to give up our home and move to Ogden. This is where it all begain. I had heard all about meth and heroine but I had never realized the amount of destruction it could cause someone's life. We ended up getting caught up into the mix. My husband got stuck up into a bunch of dumb illegal shit. One day we were staying in a hotel and waiting for pizza to come. A man decided that that was the day joe was gunna be shot. I watched my husband get shot two ft away twice with a 45 almost killing him. I was never so scared in my life. I cared for him every day doing everything for him getting him dressed and off and on the Toilet showers everything he had to relearn to walk. The bullet completely shattered his femur they replaced his bone with a metal rod. A couple months later I started having grand mal seasures. They are really bad I complelty black out and loose my memory for three days before I have one. Last time I had one I went into cardiac arrest and turned blue. I don't know what what's wrong I'm to scared to go see a doctor I would rather my death just happen then to put a timeline on my life. I got a service dog and he is my best friend a lil shitzu. Now my husband is in jail facing many charges and I am having to face being alone for the first time in four yrs. Its really hard and it really sucks. I love him to much to just drop it all and move on. Anyways that's my story and my life thanks for reading.