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Anon Anon

Fathers name: n/a

Mothers name: n/a

Country of Birth:

United Kingdom

Year of birth: 1985

Places of Residence:

All over scotland, norway and sweden

Brothers/sisters: n/a

Studies: Social Science

Profession: Medically retired

when I thought things were worse...

I ended up in care with troubled girl was dogging school and taking drugs and she was 14 at the time, the other one was dogging school and getting up to all sorts of mad stuff, another was the same. They would hang around with the wrong type of people and I was like oh no thats not me. I was a very niave and not so worldly wise either. what 13 year old girl is? This foster carer I did not like at the time, she was very strict and set in her ways, I had penpals when I was staying with my previous carer and I used to escape from my troubles and write wee letters to different girls and boys then I found 2 male penpals, one from Ireland and one from German that I had interesting lovey dovey conversations with. Mostly with the German guy, I was kinda fascinated about him, I used to bug this man by writing him lots of letters and making crazy phone calls to Germany a lot! My new foster carer used to make fun of me all the time, Anything German from bratwursts to postcards to German dance music I started having a fascination for it all and I often dreamed about going to Germany, meeting this guy and breaking my virginity with him...omfg! My father is very anti people, anti foreigner, anti everything and he was like " fucksake you need bloody help lalalla whats your with fucking krauts and nazi scum offsprings?" My foster carers used to get very pissed off because I used to steal from the school and I would take money from the school trip fund to make phone calls to Germany and I found his voice very nice and I loved his wee accent - it was completely different! Just the whole foreign accent thing drove me nuts! I used to make excuses from class saying things like I dont feel to good I feel I need some breathing space and I would be put in a room for some breathing space, then I would use the phone in the same room to make phone calls to Germany and practice my German, sit there for hours and hours and run up a phone bill thus ended up being suspended from school. I wanted to learn German at school, I hated learning french because it just did not interest me and my foster carer banned me from learning German and would not let me learn it at school and she told the school she is not learning German no way and I was starting to pick up the language fairly quickly too. She must have thought I was gonna join the hitler youth back then - absolutely mental!

I was trying to find ways of escaping from my troubles and insecurities and often imagined myself being away from scotland - I bloody hated living here! I hated being reminded of the places I have been to, where I was abused,etc.

I was a bit of religious type girl - sort of christian type girl and would go to church every now and again. I was very much of the belief about sex before marriage is forbidden and should be sacred with the right man. The fascination for meeting a guy from another country got bigger and I was like wowoowow constantly dreaming about it...however it was mostly about this German penpal....I know it was crazy!
End chapter 1

And the madness begins....

A girl called siobian I was in foster care with ( who died when she was 18 and I was 17) introduced me to trying cigarettes for the first time a month after my 14th birthday. I was like blurgh I am not smoking that stuff never again.

Then things got worse, I was hanging around with a girl called Kerry anne who was 12 year old at the time, she used to steal my stuff when I was younger too. She was a pretty troubled girl back then. One day we ended up going out, she put on my make up and she said we will find you a nice boyfriend so we went into town, went to the bus station in Livingston, Scotland. I was really niave back then, I had very low self esteem and confidence in myself too. I was a timid and nervous girl as well and I have always been like that since I was a young girl. So she told me just say your 16 and you will get a boyfriend. I was like ok why? I had no clue about anything back then. So we asked one man at the bus station and he said no and we asked another guy and this is where the interesting story happens....

....He told me that he was 17, I told him I was 16, we kissed and he was like do you want to have sex? I refused and said no, I am a christian and dont believe in sex before marriage.He kept asking and asking and asking and I kept refusing. One day, I bumped into him with my 2 foster sisters, one of them decided to go home and I wished I actually followed her instead of the other foster sister. This time there was no sex mentioned, He even said I am actually 21 years old. I admitted to him that I am 14 and he turned around and said oh age doesnt matter. Do you fancy coming to my place for a cup of tea? I said yeah ok.There was no mention of sex at all!

So me, kerry, this other guy (who was 19 back then and looked like a real rough and tumble type guy) and the other guy - his name was stuart. He invited me to his homeless hostel and then things got a bad. He was trying to sweet talk me into having sex with him, he suggested about doing it in the toilet and all this nonsense, he was like I wont get you pregnant laalallalalal, I was like I am not ready, I dont know, I am scared, I am a virgin and I believe in sex after marriage, he still kept pushing and pushing.Kerry was like giggling and joking about and was shocked in so many ways too and she ended up putting on her headphones and started listening to her music and tried to ignore everything that was going on. I was really scared and in my head I thought this other guy looks like a hard nose drug addict type and stuart looked like a rough and ready type man. I thought I would end up getting my head kicked in if I said No by all of them and knowing the girl kerry - she used hang around with a bunch of chavs ( down and out troublesome people who hang around in gangs and fight a lot on the streets!) so I really didnt want to have sex with him at all. So I ended up giving in. This all happened in year 2000.

For a few days I was acting like dr jekyll and mr hyde, I felt confused as hell. So I ended up speaking to my school counsellour and made a freudin mistake by saying the guy physically raped me and he raised the alarm and said oh you have been raped we need to report it to the police. The school got involved, the police were involved, the foster carers were involved, even kerry was involved and social work got involved, I felt disgusted and used and confused and something was not right at all so I did tell the police what really happened and they treated me like shit! The girl kerry told her friends and my friends and a lot of them turned against me, I was getting bullied a lot at school, my fathers side of the family viewed me as a stupid wee slapper, slut, cow, whore and total disgrace to the family and so on. My foster carers were no help at all to me and they just looked down at me as if I was a piece of shit and accused me of making accusations of rape. I knew something wasnt right but just could not put my finger on it. Even better the man turned out be in his 30s and he got charged by the police and the police turned around months and months later that he will be in court but you dont have to go to it. From there, I did not know what happened until some girls at school started having a go at me by saying that man will be in jail for 8 years and 4 months you fucking slapper, I am going to kill you, I am going to get my friends against you.

My self esteem was going down hill, I was dogging school, I once walked 17 -20 miles roughly from Livingston to Edinburgh from 8.10 am in the morning to 3-4.30pm in the afternoon. I was walking through motorways, dual carriage ways, forests, through different towns and villages, I tried to phone my mum and I wanted to get back with her - I hated being in foster care and I could not get through to her at all but I still carried on walking towards Edinburgh. I had this crazy idea of going to Edinburgh, begging for money on the streets and saving up as much I could to buy a flight ticket to Germany and find this guy. I even brought with me my passport.

Then I met this girl I hated and she hated me but we agreed to be aquaintences and she was running away from home as well! So she introduced to this old man called eric aka Wee ecky!

So I spent some time at his place and she buggered off with some other girl in Edinburgh and she was never to be seen for 6 weeks! So ecky decided to take me to leith docks - very well known for prostitutes and he said look at all those women all dressed up in sexy gear. It never completely sunk into me what was the whole idea of him showing a 14 year old girl a bunch of prostitutes at leith docks near Edinburgh. He was talking about how these girls make lots of money for what they do, what kind of guys they get and so on. I was kinda nervous and very niave to everything. It was not until years later that I kinda figured out that I think he was trying to get me into prostitution. So we drove back home and I stayed at his place for one night and the police came out looking for one girl named sonia and then they found me and he ended up getting charged for harbouring under 16s in his house. The police were asking questions about sonia and I said I cant tell you other wise I will get a kick in by her. I was interagated for a very long time and they soon gave up. So I ended up going back home, the foster carer was telling me off a lot and everything there went to shit.

6 weeks later, I saw sonia and she went crazy at me - she accused me of telling the police where she was staying and I should have kept my mouth shut and accused me of being a nasty bitch for getting wee ecky charged for harbouring. So she tried attack me in the shopping centre and I ran to the security guards and eventually she ran off with her friends and I ended up coming back to school late.

So for almost a year I was bullied at school, I lost all friends, I had people take the micky out of me and making fun of me, I have been whore,slut,bitch,cow,slapper,cunt,everything.

I ran away again this time to my friends and old neighbours house in Bathgate. I was crying my eyes out and I told them all what happened with this guy,so she ended up phoning social work and police and carers to tell them that I am here and I am safe.

Whilst I was running away from home, I was sticking my thumbs out for a ride with random people, I saw a German truck and tried to stop it but he drove by then I tried stopping other cars and no one stopped.

So after being with my friends and old neighbours house in Bathgate, I ended up being whisked back home by the police.

I was really unhappy, I felt unloved, neglected and all things negative.I was beating myself up every day for what happened, I was neglecting myself a lot, never looked after my appearance, I felt ugly and cheap, I was constantly being told that I was an ugly looking slapper,slut,cow,etc. I wanted to leave my foster carers house and move school and have a better life for myself. I was told by social work that I could move carers but can not move schools or I could move in with my Dad and move school. I really did not want to live with my dad because there were things with my dad that I was very angry about. I was also angry with my mum too for putting me in foster care and making me go through hell.

I decided to take the chance....

End chapter 2

The move to a new life that I thought would be ok....

I moved down to stranraer with my dad, I was kinda looking forward to a new life in the countryside and getting away from my issues and problems. My dad did try to sort me out and things went well for the first 3 month, I started a new school and I ended up being top of the class for most of my subjects, I struggled with maths and ended up being placed in a lower class, I started to make new friends, My dad told me to tell people your from Glasgow and no one will bully you and tell them about your family coming from Glasgow too if they tried to bully you. I was making friends very quickly within 10 days. I came across one girl who was a bit of a hard nose ticket and she was trying to square me up and test the type of girl I was and I was like nah I am not having that so I started to increase my self confidence and she was like I like girls like you. yeah your alright! you seem like a woman with guts! I like you so we became friends. Everything was going ok.

Then after a while, I was very moody, full of temper tantrums, didnt do to well at school, I was still battling with my personal problems, I would take it out on my Dad and argue with him all the time. Then I met a guy at school who was my first boyfriend I ever had and he was around 13-14 and I was 15 and we had under age sex. I was scared about pregnancy and my dad went crazy and we had lots of arguments. I was a tear away teenager. we ended up breaking up and going back together and breaking up and after the possible pregnancy scare, he was like I am too young to be a dad lets break up. So I ended up taking the morning after pill.

Then I had a few other wee boyfriends from school and everything went to hell. I most of my exams, some of my exams were lost thanks to the SQA scandal back in the early naughties where students were told they passed their exams and found out they failed and some were told they failed and then found out they passed. Also they were students who were missing their exam papers and I was one of them. I never got my pass papers for french,geography and art. I managed to achieve a pass in English and that was it.

At 16, I ran away from my dads house as I was going nuts because of living in the country side and not being with my friends, the constantly fighting and bickering with my dad too. So I ended up with the wrong crowd and started smoking dope and I was like yeah I found a vice that can help me escape from my problems. Then the relationship between me and my father broke down. I was very rebellious, anti authority,everything!

when I reached 16, I found this man who was an ex heroin addict we were in a relationship for 3 weeks, I sneaked him into my dads house once which was not great, My father never knew about it. Other wise he would have killed him and the fact that he is a former heroin addict too.

One day we decided to leave the house the next morning and I decided to stay with him. My father contacted the police and social work and my father decided right fine! your out the house now! you make your own bed and you sleep on it. I ended up becoming homeless. My ex broke up with me and we were friends for a little while then he just buggered off. So I stayed in hotels, bed and breakfasts all over Stranraer. I stayed with a supported land lady outside stranraer and things went ok until she brought in a very troubled girl with a baby and had a heroin addiction.

Things went to shit from there.....

End chapter 3

oh dear more problems....

At 16,I started a training course through the jobcentre - I was working towards my business administration qualification, I was a trainee receptionist. I was trying to find a part time job on top of that. So I worked at a turkish restraunt for one day and I got sacked because I was too nervous.

I was desperate to get out of the homeless system and I was very lost and had no clue about how to get a house, how to support myself with a job or anything. I was living on 120 pounds a fortnight and I had to 50 pound a week towards my keep. I had no sense of life direction, my relations with my family broke down a lot. I was getting drunk, stoned, hung around with the wrong crowd and everything just going crazy for me. I was still wanting to escape and wanting to go abroad and stuff like life was a chaotic mess. This girl moved into the supported landlady with her baby and she had drug problems I was like oh god, so we used to hang around together and get drunk a lot too.

I was on the chatlines meeting new guys, I found my then boyfriend from Glasgow from an education phone line and we got talking, exchanged numbers and we met up in glasgow and began our relationship together.

Everything went to hell where I lived when I was experiencing sexual harrassment by this young man from England, he was trying to force me to have sex with him and I felt absolutely disgusted and wanted to get my own back, I wanted to rip the shit out of him but was scared of getting a criminal record and I ended up getting away from him. I was walking around like a zombie around the house for a week and I spoke to the troubled girl about what has happened - I didnt tell her the full truth, I spoke to my then boyfriend on the phone and he said contact the police or I will do it. So after 5 days, I ended up going to the police and making up this elaborate story that I was raped. It was a rather big mistake, I wanted this guy done for everything but I was too scared to go forward with it. So I held back my information about the guy because I knew from past experience how I was treated with the police with statutory rape case. (In scots law if someone has sex with a minor whether they consented or not is classed as statutory rape.)

So 3 weeks later the police woman laughed at my face, she told me next time you get raped, never ever come to the police! So her words were like hmm. so If I told you what really happened you never believed me anyway? so things went to hell, I ended up feeling suicidal, I was faced with a choice between killing myself or disassociating myself from my body so I was very promisceous.

The family found out what happened and they were very angry, I wanted to tell them the truth,I ended up manipulating them,lying to them whilst trying to figure out if they were supportive of me and it made things so much worse. One night I ended up getting really really drunk with the heroin addict girl as she was going through problems with herself. we got absolutely plastered and both us us ended up in hospital over night, she ended up hitting her head against a curb and she was unconscious, I was completely wasted and felt horrible for everything that was going on and the problems I caused. The relationship between me, the girl and the landlady broke down, the landlady thought I was a slapper,slut,etc and wanted me out. I ended up running away from home and I was reported missing on the newspapers, I stayed with a guy who wanted me to do sexual favours for him so I could stay with him and he would help me - I felt horrible. I stayed with my father for one night and we never spoke, I was seeing a psychiatrist at the time with my problems and he suspected I had a borderline aka emotional unstable personality disorder and he wanted to put me in a psychiatric ward in Glasgow but changed his mind and instead, I ended up in supported accomodation in Dumfries for a little while. Then I ended up staying in a Bed and breakfast in stranraer, things went ok there and I was looked after by the hosts and their family and was part of their family for a little while until one day I sneaked in an Italian guy into the B and B without informing them and I got thrown out, I ended up staying at a different B and B and then I spoke to social work department and told them I am planning to stay at the college halls of residence in Glasgow, they refused to help me get a house in Glasgow and out of the homelessness but were willing to pay 1000s of pounds for one years residence at the college flats in glasgow - I found that completely crazy! I just wanted to get the hell out of stranraer and away from my situation and to be with my then boyfriend too in Glasgow.

Moved to Glasgow, first 3 weeks was great and then my life went to hell. One day I went to see my grandad and he was really angry with the situation about the police and me running away from home and being in the newspapers and he was like talking to me like a piece of dirt, he was like your fucking stupid slapper, your a peasant in the family, your a low life,your a waste of space, a disgrace to the family, I dont want anything to do with you. I tried to explain everything to him, even when I told him the truth, he never accepted it and did not believe me at all! The whole family just turned against me. So I felt like shit, lost,torn apart,everything. I never stuck in college, I was supposed to be studying 9 A levels. I was swept into the "student life" of sex, drugs and rock and roll. I had a few friends I had lots of boyfriends from all over. I ended up in so much trouble with my life - I met an Egyptian man who was very charming and I was invited to his house and he introduced me to his friend and we had a few drinks, then he tried to have sex with me I was like no and he got very pushy and his friend was very pushy too and well yeah...not good! So I managed to get away and I was like fuck that! Then there was another time I met a guy from Jordan and we got drunk and stoned and I didnt consent to sex with him and well there you go say no more on that...

I felt like omg....I wanted to escape from my problems, I was making a lot of enemies with people because of my out rageous crazy wild behaviour, I was using people to survive as I was living on 40 pounds a week and it was really tough going, I was very chaotic, I was on the internet trying to find guys to take me away from the situations. I had boyfriends every 15 minutes, I had wild parties with different guys world wide, I was at at gay bars having mad sex with girls as well and bringing them all home too. I was soo care free, I completely lost all my morals and I was just separating my head from my body all the time.

I found a man from Germany who was a well educated man and I was in lala land with this man. He would call me all the time and we exchanged photos and he even booked my flights to Germany and I was like wow cool this is so cool! He was wanting a serious relationship and So was I so I was like wow yeah! I told my friends where I was going and they were shocked and worried for me too. They thought I was completely fucking bonkers about going over to Germany with only 15 euros in my pocket. I did it! I was on this crazy pursuit of finding love. He treated me well, wined and dined me, stayed at a nice hotel in cologne, done a lot of sight seeing and I was really hoping that he would keep in Germany and never let me go back home.

After I came back, I saw this French man who approached me in the street in Glasgow city centre and he was like wow you are sexy and beautiful you look like a model - I did have a slim figure and I was very attractive and could get any man I wanted. So I took his number and arranged to see him the following week.

On the way to see the French man, this Turkish man stopped me and was romancing me, charming me and all that jazz so he invited me to go out for a meal with him, So I ended up cancelling the French date and went with the Turkish guy....oopps big fucking mistake!!! This guy was trouble..........

End chapter 4


......we ended up in a crazy dunno if you would call it a relationship with with the guy however things got worse!. He was wanting me to get involved in the porn industry, He had me on cocaine,ecstacy,etc,etc He was trying to force me into prostitution, He was trying to sweet talk me into prostitution, he was involved with a turkish gang he had a lot of connections with lots of "interesting people" He was giving it wow your pornstar material, you got a body,you got the looks of a porn star and he wanted me to meet his some interesting professionals from lawyers to you name it. So I was completely fucked on drugs, I should never have gone down that route, he was very abusive towards me, He has lifted his fists towards me, he was very controlling, I could not get away from him then he set up a guy from Iraq to rape me and he also joined in because I would not do his favors for him! Such as prostitution and so on. He was demanding money for the drugs I was taking and oh dear oh dear...this was going on for almost a year. This guy has been banned from Germany and other European countries for fighting, beating up women and so on. So I ended up fleeing Glasgow, I tried to take an over dose of paracetamol tablets and I arrived at the social work department screaming and crying for help and they transferred me to A really fucked up homeless hostel in some village near Edinburgh. I stayed there for a little while. then I met a guy in the homeless hostel who gave me speed and I ended up not sleeping for 3 days and almost ended up in hospital, the homeless hostel lot contacted the ambulance and I was like oh god help me! So knocked on the door of this female junkie and she gave me some joints and some vallium and a cup of tea and It sorted out my problems. So the staff at the homeless hostel cancelled the ambulance. From around that time, I decided to go completely cold turkey and get off the hard drugs with no support, nothing!

My German internet date who took me over to Germany, contacted me and he said he wanted to meet me I was like shit man! I have nothing decent to wear and I am in a homeless rut right so not a good time to meet up. I thought ah bugger it! So we had a nice time together until I told him that I am now homeless, He wondered why and I tried to tell him why. He was like omg.
So I invited him to my homeless hostel and he was like omfg and started crying and told me to get out of the hostels, get off the drugs, get off the drink get off out of this situation, he gave me £8 and said here is some money for food and he went back home to Germany, we kept in touch for a little while, he then went to America and found a high flying job over there and he stopped contacting me.

I ended up staying at a christian house and I was the first person to move in there as it was very new. Then this other girl moved in to and there were few other problematic characters that moved in there too. However I had some interesting times there. We used to go out for coffees, lunch with the christian staff, we had morning time bible stories, things went ok for a little while until some dodgy girls came in and I just went crazy, I ended up suffering from Bipolar with borderline personality disorder at 18, I tried to go to college again and I ended up never sticking in because I was too unsettled and too unstable with my current life. I couldnt find a job because no company would entertain someone who is homeless. It was completely fucked up. I was feeling empty, unloved,depressed,anxious,nervous and very chaotic too and constantly seeking attention and fulfillment, there was a time when people from my past I was at school with and when I was around 14 at the time, they started to recognize who I was and were threatening me.....I ended up trying to find guys to love me, tried very hard to find love and all that jazz. I was on chatlines and had a wall full of contacts of different men and the christian staff thought I was a prostitute I was like naaaaahh! I am just trying to use men to my advantage so I can get the fuck out of this homeless situation, also I knew that I had less than 2 month to find somewhere other wise I would have ended up on the streets.

End chapter 5

A good man called myles

I met this scottish man from a chat line, he came over from glasgow by taxi near to my christian house, the christian staff were like who is this guy? so I lied to them and said oh this is my friend from college I am gonna spend time with him so I ran up to the guy, gave him a massive cuddle he was like what the hell is going on? I whispered to him, just go with the flow i will explain later so clicked on to what was going on so we went to the pub, went to the hotel and stuff and we had wild sex and we got on like a house on fire. It was initially supposed to be a one night stand and I ended up following him to Glasgow, we spoke to each other for hours and hours like we have known each other for years, I had him crying within 4 days as I was giving him psychotherapy and stuff -I know should be the one with the psychotherapy but still:) I do like to help people. He saw a lot of good in me and I wanted to be in a relationship with him but he was going to fly off to France with his work.

Things did not go to well at the christian house, I had some problems with a guy I spent time with and his friends recognized and wanted to kick my ass to china and all things went to hell so I decided to flee the hostel and run to myles in Glasgow, I told him a whole big story about my life and he agreed for me to stay with him until I could find a job, a house,etc.

I ended up having to present myself homeless in Glasgow, stayed at a very dodgy homeless hostel and I was going ape shit in the place, the place was very depressing. I was missing myles a lot. So one time, he flew back to scotland, booked a hotel and we had a lot of fun and spent time at his dads place and he wanted to help me get out of the homeless.

So I ended up staying in the west end of glasgow at a nice wee hotel and it was one of the decent ones. Then I met a guy who was 36 from East kilbride who was an engineer and we ended up meeting up and he got me out of the hostel and told me to move in with him. We fell in love, he took me down to England and he took me to Sweden. I met a boring swedish guy there and I brought him to the hotel room and no we didnt have sex, I was very faithful to the engineer boyfriend. So when he left, we had arguements and shouting matches so it was not good. After a while then he was very possessive and controlling, he would not let me go out and meet my friends,

There was a time when myles came to visit me me a few time wanted me to be with him, he even asked me to marry him and wanted me to leave the guy because he was a complete ass I was like noooooo.....all sorts of crazy stuff fucking hell man!:P I am only 18 wooaaah! Also I was very insecure too and I needed this guys help because I had to nowhere to live. One night, I told my then boyfriend I am going out with the girls, I called him and he was like your a fucking cow, your a slut where are you? why are you not with me? alllalalal I said to him em I am out with the girls....He was really nasty towards me so I ended up getting drunk, went to the night club came up to him infront of his family and friends and as a warning to his family and friends not fuck around with me! So I punched his face x2 and had him down on the ground!

I went back to his place, took all my stuff, he started arguing with me and told me to fuck off out of the house....

I ended up hitching a ride off of a guy, I was feeling very cold and numb and I was like to the driver take me to govanhill glasgow and I hope I can trust you because if you lay your fingers on me I will do damage, He got scared and went ok ok ok relax, I wont harm you.

He dropped me off and I thanked him

I rant to myles's dads house and he was there, so I was crying and told him what happened and he was like ok, you need to stay at a hostel for now and try and get sorted.

I ended up staying in a rat infested homeless hostel near glasgow and him and his dad decided this girl is a pretty intelligent,decent girl who is very much down in her luck we are going to help her get out of the system, his father used to work for Glasgow city council and he taught me how the housing system worked! I put my name down for a house in glasgow, ended up getting social workers, support workers,etc involved to help me get a house quickly, I got a job and used my friends address to find one,I ended up seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist and shit like that to help me get sorted out with a house and within 6 month I got a house in a rough part of Glasgow. Ended up in a relationship with myles for 18 month then I broke up with him, became best friends with him for 11 years now:)

End chapter 6

swedish - hungarian madness

This is one crazy story....I met this swedish hungarian man from the internet - we spoke to each other for one year and we were giving it all the I love you shit and he decided to book my coach ticket from Gothenburg to Lund and I would book my flights from Glasgow to Gothenburg.

So It was lovely sunny weather over there Gothenburg, so I travelled by coach from Gothenburg to Lund, arrived there and snogged the wrong the guy and his girlfriend was shocked and so was my date - he arrived with flowers and he had his friend with him too. It was mental!

Things got a bit a crazy, his father got pissed off with me because he was a bit of tidy freak, I couldnt relax in his house or anything. I was constantly feeling on edge all the time. Ok I have to admit I was a bit cookoo back then and I was a bit untidy but fucking hell!...besides all that...completely fucked up!!!...

The whole relationship was a complete mess, the hungary - swede:P had crazy sex and stuff and sparks were flying and all sorts of mad shit was happening! we got engaged within 10 days :O what the fuck?? yeah i know...joys of the cant help it I am a loveable person:) even though I have been mental and done mental shit!

We did visit each other a lot, I was going through some in my life dealing with all sorts of emotional baggage and I just saw this opportunity of meeting this guy and just escape from all my rubbish in scotland! He wanted me to move to sweden with him and I was like no I refuse...It was very messed up relationship.

He came over to meet me in scotland which was the wrong time and wrong place, I was going through a court case as I was indecently assaulted by a man at a night club the year before I met the guy from sweden. The story was that this stalky built scots guy dug his nails in my tits and I was like I am fucking of being taken advantage of and being the victim of shit,a lot of hidden anger from my past came out in the open with my fists and legs. I decided to use my kickboxing, tae kwon do and karate on this guy, I beat the shit out of this guy! The bouncers took him away, then myles went outside and calmly confronted the man - then my sisters boyfriend told me quick, your friend is in trouble, so I panicked and saw a group of guys around my best pal - so I spotted the guy that indecently assaulted me and kicked the fucking crap out of him and it took 7 people to get me off of him, the police got involved and wanted me to get charged for assault on the guy so I had to be my own defense lawyer and the guy was badly injured by me and my fists were black and blue because I smacked the crap out of him and never have I done that before to someone! I went to court the following year and around that time my swedish-hungarian man came over and I was in real state. the police lost the statements, the court turned around and said he was found not guilty due to lack of witnesses.

So lots of hellish stuff was happening, The swedish hungarian decided to leave scotland and accused me of thieving his money when in fact I took his card, took 250 pound out of the bank as he asked me to, I took 5 pounds out of the money to buy something to eat, went home took my 5 pounds out of my money and replaced it with his, he came down with my friend who was wanting the money for his keep and he then got upset and decided to go back to sweden.

A week later, I contacted him and we had a good talk and bitch at each other, his father decided to take me on a european trip for 3 month and we went to germany, poland,slovakia, czech rep and hungary.

I had some interesting crazy times there - it could have been happier but never mind.

I decided to thank my ex by taking my him to Denmark - we went to Copenhagen by train and had a nice meal, few drinks and done some shopping together too.

On the way back home was a complete disaster and I ended up going back to scotland

We kept in touch for a bit then he broke up with me - the engagement lasted around 8 month.

End chapter 7

Another fucking german guy

After splitting up with my ex in sweden, I met a german guy who ran his own design business.
we were talking to each other for a few month and he decided to book my flights to Berlin.
We had a nice time together, we got a nice thai take away with a few drinks and we had nice night together - sex with him was very mechanical and omg. Then he showed me different places around berlin, we went for a few drinks,I went shopping in Berlin too, I met some crazy british ex pats who were wanting to get my tits out I was like aaaaaaaaaaahh help me fuck off and then the german guy came over and picked me up from town and drove back to his flat and we had more sex. This guy had a really dirty house with flies buzzing around the flat, He says I am sorry but my polish maid never came over to clean my house I was like fucksake clean your house lol.

He was talking about pornos and starting up his own porn industry I was like yep get to fuck.

I came back home and he was demanding his money back for the flights and was giving it all "I really liked you and wanted it to develop into a serious relationship" so did I at one time until he start mentioning about the whole porno shit and was giving me mixed signals...yeah very very very crazy shit!

He was very very handsome man I have to admit!
End chapter 8

A humble wee norgee:)

I had a dream one night where my great grandfather was telling me go to Norway, You will find Norwegian boyfriend. Ended up finding around 8 Norwegians:P ahhaha

The first Norwegian I met was in 2008. I was talking to a guy who worked for Statoil on some oil platform. He was looking for a relationship with a nice girl and he was an older guy. He was one the best guys I have dated. He paid for my flights to Norway and I was very curious about the country and we had a lot of fun together. He wined and dined me, we went camping with friends, we got absolutely rat arsed on jagermeisters, beer,etc. I was under the table and these 4 biigg fucking norwegian guys were carrying me by legs and arms to the caravan. I remember I was dreaming about me being in a coffin then flying on aladdins carpet and I woke up omg what the fuck and started panicking and they were like " oi oi oi its ok were just taking you to the caravan and started laughing" my mate was not amused by the fact that I got myself completely plastered.

The next day I was very hung over and they decided to take me skiing and I thought omg wow I would love to try skiing so we went to some place in norway far away and we went skiing, we had a bbq in the snow - it was magic:) I really loved my time in Norway. The guy treated me like a queen! He gave me money and we went shopping for stuff and we went sightseeing. Then I was on the plane I started crying because I was like wow never felt so happy!

Then he was telling me he was not sure to go into a relationship with me, he wants an independent woman and all this crap! Then he started acting very weird and accused me of having some mental problems!:( so that really hurt me :( I was not acting crazy with him besides being drunk, most of the time I was very pleasant and friendly and chatty enough! I was even acting as his friends bloody nanny for their kids and watching out for them and taking care of them...maybe I was being too much but I am very mumsy when it comes to kids:)
End chapter 9

my internet let downs

I found 2 guys one from stuttgart who was fucking hot and the other who was morroccan, spanish norwegian mix who I wanted to meet in their own countries. As soon as I booked flights the german ran scared and the other the norwegian moroccan spanish mix also decided not to meet me and when i sent him a present to his address he told me my present was very trashy and cheap and didnt want to see me:( oh well.....
End chapter 10

my crazy polish fiance

I met this polish guy around 2009 off the internet and he was little sweetheart and he lived and worked in scotland near the highlands. We fell in love and I took him out for meals, he would give me money here and there, he also treated me out for dinner to the japanese restaraunt and it was a nice relationship until he revealed his real side and the guy was clinically certified introvert and he had of psychological problems and experienced a lot of problems in Poland and he decided to move to Scotland to get away from Poland I sympathized for him and I tried to help him, we got engaged too within a few month and he was a wee darling at first but he was very very troubled and started acting like a complete psychopath so I decided to end the relationship and he could not handle it and kept begging me back and then he stopped contacting me.

End chapter 11

The psychotic Norwegian fiance

Oh my god where do I start with this guy? We were talking to each other for a year and in 2010 he came over to scotland and treated me like a queen. He was working in the oil industry and he used his time to come to scotland, He wined and dined me and all that sort of stuff, then we got engaged then the relationship went to fuck - he was constantly arguing with me, picking on me on the slightest things and he even locked me out of my own house!! I even kicked the shit out of the guy just to get through to him that I am unhappy and your making me unhappy. I even took the guy to northern ireland and my friends and I have warned him about northern Ireland and not to say IRA slogans,loyalist slogans and not mention any politics and religion too. what did he do?

We were in a " queen loving pub" complete with female stripper! He got so drunk and shouted " ireland should be free and united" really bad idea and it cost a bit of upset with the irish bar man, so we called a taxi and had to wait 30 mins for it. We went outside and saw a bunch of guys in their cars that looked a bit mental,dodgy,scary - the kinda guys in northern ireland you just dont want to meet on a saturday night! you just dont know who their connections are either! so my ex fiance was getting angry and annoyed and I was on the phone to my friend who is an ex soldier and he was giving me advice to keep calm, keep him calm, your on your own doll as soon as you get in the taxi, get the fuck out of there! So after I came off the phone I mummered under my breath "I wonder if the police will arrive" just when I said that, a police car arrives...then I heard the bar man saying " see that foreign guy over there watch him he has been spouting out IRA stuff" I was like fuck me oh no! This is scary shit! so the taxi arrives, we got in there and one of guys jumps in the car with his mates and they followed us to the hotel then drove back!

I had 3 taxi drivers offering to "help me" meaning they were gonna get rid of my ex fiance because he was acting like wierdo screw ball and they would look after me because they saw me as a little lovely scots girl on her wee holidays bouncing around and being all bubbly and soft and friendly and happy too:) hehe
The last taxi driver clocked on the type of guy he was and as soon as he got out of the taxi, he was asking questions about the guy? He said you can do so much better than that guy! what the hell are you doing with him? He says if your needing contacts and a place to stay and some help and for someone to get rid of him here is my number. I said thank you, I dont want this guy going missing and having the norwegian government chapping on their door and him being on the news and me being the one to blame! Thanks for the help we are just boarding the ferry to scotland right now.

On that same day as soon we were half way across the irish sea towards scotland, A bomb went off in south armagh! The time of year went to Northern ireland was near towards the 12 of July! - not a nice time to be in northern ireland.

After that scenario, I chucked his bags,clothes,the works out of my house and told him to fuck off and go back his country!!

End chapter 12

the polish dead horse let down

I spoke to a man from Warsaw over the internet, I sent him 30 pounds to help him get food and stuff before I even met the man. I really liked the guy as he was a little different from the ones I have been with and he was very smart and very creative too.

I decided to take a gamble and meet this man. I met him at Warsaw airport, I was kinda shitting my pants about going to Poland but when I went over there I was like wow interesting place. I had some fun times there with him and his sister and her man and their friends too.
We also had some bizzarre times there too as well.

We got drunk, I was amazed how cheap everything was over there. for 10 pounds I got crates of beer, cigarettes, chocolate bars and crisps - we just had a real good time.

I went back to Poland again and I thought he was the man for me and I was determined to help him come over to Scotland.

So I paid for his flights to Scotland, showed him around different places in Scotland, I wined and dined the man.

I know he was working on around 2 pound an hour in Poland and he was running around in holey shoes and scrappy clothes so I thought I am going to buy him new shoes and I bought his sister and brand new bag, took him and his sister for a Burger king and we went to the cinema too - his sister was crying because she never experienced anything like this and very much appreciated it because all the time she just works and works and works and works for shitty pay same with the guy I was dating. I treated this man the best I could with very little money I had.

Then one day I was on his facebook, I found out that one of his girls was strung along into believing that he was her man and that he knew a girl from scotland that would help them both to get out of poland I was like noooooo wayyyy am I getting used sorry! He was very dishonest with me and I really liked the guy and I had feelings for him too! so we argued, I was screaming at him, I end up physically kicking his balls and got him crying his eyes out!
I said to him I am not here to be used! Why were you not honest with me? why did you string this girl along for 3 years and dated me too? I contact his friends and family in Poland, they were very pissed off angry and they knew I was a very good woman with a very good heart.

So he ended up going back home to Poland, I gave him really good advice and he now has a fantastic well paid job in poland and he got himself a cute girlfriend from poland too. I did eventually forgive him and remained friends with him for a while then the contact just dwindled.

End chapter 13

A nice wee norwegian man

I met a guy who was liberal democrat politician we had a romantic long weekend in scotland, showed him around Edinburgh and different places around scotland - he was very wild :D rrrr

He bought me some perfume and some chocolates on arrival, we went for a meal and stuff.

In the end we had a meal at some kurdish restraunt in edinburgh which was lovely:D

I was hoping for a relationship with him but I ended up going a little loopy so I kinda scared him off then a year later we got in touch and I said to him I am sorry for acting crazy and told him about my Thyroid disease condition and we became friends and we are still in touch and became good mates.

that was around 2011/2012.

End chapter 14

Another norwegian man

I met a wealthy norwegian drilling engineer who was really nice and charming.

He sent me 50 pounds to my account before meeting me, he paid for my flights - we were chatting on the internet about marriage,kids,love,moving in everything I was sitting there going oh I hope this guy will be the last man I meet.

He was hoping for love at first sight and all this daft stuff.

So I flew from Edinburgh to Stavanger, met the man and went in his lovely BMW 2 seater nad he showed him lovely apartment which was so cool and he had this remote control under ground car park - he stayed in a really nice appartment in Sandnes.

As soon as we arrived I was like fucking hell he is sexy as fuck with his beautiful dark greeny brown eyes and lovely white straight smile and I just went fuck this he is getting it so I completely threw myself onto him and we had crazy wild sex. Everything went fantastic and we got drunk and we had a nice meal together and sparks were flying until we both caught the flu and he apparantly lost his sparkle for me, he felt very guilty and dissappointed for all this, I was really upset and crying my eyes and thought fuck no I thought something nice will develop so I went loopy loo.

Then we went to the cinema together and then after that I went back home to Scotland.

Then after I came back home he told me that he starting to miss me and all that sort of stuff and he wasn't sure what he wanted and he wanted to try and chase back the spark and all that jazz.... so we carried on talking and then he was telling omg I think I am falling in love and all this mad stuff so he decides to bring me back over to norway. He said to me he never met a girl so wild and he caring and lovey dovey:)

We ended up doing the same shit on arrival and we were all over each other and we had amazing sex and stuff, he took me to sundal( however you spell it) somewhere in Norway and we stayed at his brothers cabin and we had some interesting times there, we got drunk, we had a bbq, we listened to some nice rock music - it was cool:)

we went shopping for food and stuff. it was a nice relaxing break.

Then there was a time I was going crazy, I was feeling faint, exhausted, knackered, run down as hell, very hormonal and scared the crap out of him because I was very emotional and shit. So I got back home, we kept in touch and he started to notice I was writing crazy things on facebook and he got a bit scared off. I told him that I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and then after that he dumped me. I went completely off the rails with the man and I got him crying on the phone and he decided he would be my friend instead and he also decided to pay for my education as wee sorry present and birthday present then he sent me money around christmas time for my electric bill and he cut all contact with me. A year later he got a girl pregnant and he is love with her now. I wish him all the best. I tried to be friends with him but he did not want to and he wished me the best of luck and he said he doesnt hate me but feels that I need help....oh my:(

End chapter 15

random dates

I met a swedish guy after the split up with the other norwegian man. We had a nice date but I was very up and down and he was kinda a rebound. Nothing serious came out of it but we became good mates:)

after that I met another norwegian man who had feeling for me but I had lust for him but we ended up being friends for a while until he found a fiance in norway and the contact was gone.

End chapter 16

double norwegian date turned into a serious relationship

I met 2 norwegian guys at the same time.

One was hoping for a relationship and when we met - we didnt seem to click and sex was fucking boring too, I showed him different places around scotland and he got bored, took him to a theme park and he went on the ride with me then he got bored...I was like pffff bye...other wise he was nice polite gentleman and very good looking tall handsome blonde nordic man:)

so he flew back home in the morning and at night I found the guy I fell in love at first sight. As soon as we arrived in the hotel we just made love like fucking no ones business and he was hmm nice introduction:) I just chapped his door and we kissed and we were all over each other like crazy. we went to the theme park together and had lots of fun, we went bowling, we went to edinburgh dungeons and had a great laugh there too. We went to edinburgh castle, I got him to try haggis and we had some nice scottish beers and he wined dined me a lot too. We had so much fun, we talked a lot about family and nice things.

Then he started to miss me and get a little emotional, he gave me 100 pounds and said we will meet again. I was like wow and he gave me his cuddly little chicken too.That was his sign that he was falling for me! He displayed that on his profile with 2 little chickens cuddling together I was like aaaw wow. I was completely swept off my feet from this guy so he came back a week later to scotland I got him to him to stay at my place, he didnt like my house too much because to him it was very dirty,etc. I was very kinda struggling with my health and I told him I had hypothyroidism and I am feeling really tired and exhausted and shattered all the time and unable to function properly like a normal human being and I was constantly bed ridden and sleepy too. So he was complaining about me not cleaning dishes and so on.He would sometimes help around the around. My house wasnt too bad, it was bit lived in....Before I was really messy. I was on anti psychotic injections too to stabilize my mood swings and I was determined not to lose this man. He was back then very understanding and done many things to help me. He paid for my flights to Norway, he paid for my medicines to get me better,he paid for my flights to crete and we had a nice holiday together over there. We enjoyed some nice Greek food. He wined and dined me in Norway, we done some really nice things together. We had our hiccups and he was determined to bring me over to Norway. He paid 1200 pounds for my diploma course which I am studying right now, he wanted me to move in with him next year and we planned on settling down and having kids together too. Then he sent me a cold message whilst I was at hospital and then dumped me with a very cold message saying he lost his feelings for me after coming out of hospital having suffered from being over medicated on thyroid medicines.

He just completely dropped me on 5/10/2014 and I cried like fuck for a week and managed to get over him pretty quick.

regardless of faults and ups and downs, He was a really good guy to me.

End chapter 17

I am a crazy chick I know

Yeah so youve read most of my life story. I have made some crazy foolish decisions, I have tried many things to get the man I want. I am a bit of a risk taker, A hopeless romantic...yeah crazy lovey dovey chick. I have learned a lot of things from my past about people. I have dated guys in real life as well off the internet. I have met interesting people from all over the world. I have my fair share of good and bad luck. I am generally a good woman. I suffer from myxedema psychosis - thyroid madness as its known but I have been diagnosed with bipolar with borderline personality disorder which is some what related to my thyroid disorder but its a working progress right now also its been affected by past events of stress, rejection,fear,drug and alcohol abuse and over all chaos has shaped me into something I am now and has had an effect on my health too,. I have 2 very good friends - one of them is best friend of 11 years. He has been my rock and heart and soul and everything. He has taught me a lot of interesting things about people and he has saved my ass from many situations. He has tried to give me direction and he has put up with a lot of shit from me.We also had some nice times together such as going abroad to different countries and so on. We had wild parties together, good drinking buddies and a good social life too. I have helped my friend out a lot and we always look out for each other and we very dependent on each other - many people think we are a married couple. He helped me through homelessness, my mental health issues, I even cheated on the man as well when we were together and helped me calm down a lot of crazy things that I used to do.

I started to get my life sorted out when I was 25, I went to college to study law, I went to see a psychologist who was a forensic psychologist and clinical psychologist I told her all about the rapes, sexual abuse, promiscuity,emotional and psychological and physical abuse,drugs, homelessness,family rejection, the lack of support I had when I was younger, feelings of emptiness and lack of fulfillment she helped me get over my traumatic experiences. I started to let go some stuff. I went to university with the help of my Norwegian man and I achieved my university qualification in humanities and social science. I went to college to study 2 part time diploma courses in Computing and CAD and I still to achieve them but I have passed my units, I just need to sit more assessments and final exam too. My ex in Norway paid for my basic Norwegian language course and he paid for my full time diploma course in Social science which I am currently studying right now.

I am looking forward to a prosperous future and I am looking forward to leaving Scotland and leaving everything behind. I always stay in touch with my best friends who have helped me through many things.

The next man who I ever I meet. I will never ever give him any baggage. I do not have any intentions of hurting him. Past experience and a lot of advice from friends and so on have given me a clear vision of what I really want.I will never ever give him any drama either. I am a very good woman, with a good heart and I do mean well. My dream is to meet a good man who will take me out of the country, settle down, have a family with and have lots of fun travelling around the world. I just want a nice happy life. I am a very good woman with kids, I am very protective of my nearest and dearest. I am not a controlling type girl. I am a very honest woman and very sincere too. I know some men get scared of the fact they associate themselves with a girl who has been through a lot. Half of the men do not have a clue about so called real life and the life I have been through. I am a bubbly, soft hearted type woman who will do absolutely anything for almost anyone. I am a very charming woman and I know how to use my charm very well. If any man wants to see a happy girl, keep me happy, I have had my fair of men hurting me, letting me down, shattering my hopes and dreams of a better life and all this nonsense. I am a great believer now where if something is broke,you fix it. I am looking for a long term relationship with a good man. I don't dare hurt him with my baggage.

I have seen many things in my life but its not over. I am 29 years old and I am still experiencing more new and interesting things.

If the next man wants to be with me, this is the message to him, try and understand me and either accept me for who I am not what I am and who I have been,etc and the fact that I have some medical issues that restrict me in certain ways, allow me the time to mend and while I am at it just keep me happy and content and secure and loved. I will guide him day to day. At the same time, I will be showing you smiles and happiness. Just because I have a medical diagnoses does not mean I am some psychopathic killing machine or anything stupid and bad like that. I am a good natured type woman over all and I love to laugh.Give me plenty of cuddles and affection and just be there for me. I am a very giving person - I have helped most people from buying their flights to paying for their education as well. I am not a rich person but I do my up most to help people in need.

If your good to me, I am good to you. simple!

End chapter 18

Thanks for reading my life:)

There is so much about my life I can put in there. I will write it all later.

End chapter 19


Not only do I have unhappy memories - there are lot of them as well I can go on about.

There were times where I had happy memories with my dad before my mum ran off with an idiot down in England, the happy memory I had with my father was when he took me to the monster truck show in Glasgow when I was about 4 years ol and I was sitting on top of his shoulder laughing and giggling and screaming my head off at the monster trucks hehehehe

Another good memory was when was I 6 years old and we went to Loch lommond on my Dads friends motor boat and had a lot of fun driving the boat at full throttle going around in circles and getting his friends all soaking wet!:P:) That was really funny and we went for a bit to eat and got some juice and we all chilled. That was a nice happy memory with him.

There have been happy memories where I was around 11-13, my sisters and I would spend time at Dad's country house in Stranraer and we would go to the beach and stuff, have bbqs in the summer, go on a wee day trips to different places, visit my dads girlfriends family and their friends and we visited their farms and fed the pigs, sheep,cows,etc, It was pretty cool:)

I remember going to the beach with my mum in portobello with my wee sisters and we had some nice times together too when we were kids. Also my mum was taking us shopping for toys and sweets in Edinburgh. Nice wee memories.

I had some lovely memories around christmas time and new year too when I was living with my good foster carer ( the one that took me to spain and stuff like that) She had a massive family She had 7 children, 19 grandchildren and 3 great grand children and god knows how many great grand kids she has now. I remember I was getting christmas presents from my mum and mums side of the family, the foster carer and her family were giving me christmas presents, my sisters and her foster family gave me christmas presents too, social workers and other foster carers families were giving me christmas presents, my friends at school and near by were giving me christmas presents, both sides of my family were giving me christmas presents- it was mad! I was completely spoiled rotten!

Then at my other foster carers house, I was not as spoiled rotten - I got a few presents and that was it but most of my family were buying me presents and I spent christmas at my dads around that time too. She didnt treat me as part of the family, she just saw me as a number in her foster care books and that was it and "just a foster child" who gives a flying shit!

End chapter 20

More happy stories

I remember going on a school trip to aberfoyle slightly north west of scotland and it was beautiful - we had great fun, splashing around in mud, walking for 5 miles through the forests, country roads, past the water falls and rivers, we went kayaking, we also done a bit of archery...just fucking wild great time, we had a school disco and all that fancy jazz, I was celebrating my birthday along with a few other kids there too.

I had a great time there - going on those wire zippers I think they are called? Its where you have wires across the trees and you have this plastic rope/pole with a wee platform at the bottom of it and you just glide through the forests for ages and ages, that was a lot of fun!

We were climbing on these walls with little rock nodules on them, we went river rafting and all that jazz- fucking awesome! If I can go back in time - I would go back to that time:)

End chapter 21

My Martial arts hobbies

When I was around 10 year old, I had a choice between the joining the brownies or doing tae kwon do? Ever since I was around 8 year old I wanted to be a power ranger hahahahahah and I always wanted to be able to do all those crazy kung fu moves.

I done taekwondo for 4 -5 years. I was at my peak, I was at competitions, my first one was when I was a white belt and got my backside kicked by black belts and so on. Not nice.

The second competition I won a bronze medal for the scottish championships in 1998.

Then I got another bronze medal at the scottish championships and then at the British championships, I was a mentalist! super energetic, fast on my feet, I was nicked named by my instructor and club Mad Jay and Mad dog (surname) - I Was 13 back then. I was a maniac and I was a very skinny girl as well. People used to get nervous sparring with me lol.

So I trained very hard and a lot of determination and self belief in myself too. I was very positive girl, I was constantly praying to god all the time in the hope that I get my Gold medal for the british championships...

One of my old school friends was getting her ass kicked by this English girl and she was close to getting cold and she was a belt above me - I was green belt, blue tag and she was blue belt red tag ( green belt is where I am 3 belts away from my black so she was 2 belts away from her black) so Kicked the utter crap out of her along with few crazy black belts who were fucking difficult to put down but I some how managed to. I managed to get my gold medal and I was very well over the moon! :D

I tried other martial arts such as Kung fu and Kick boxing too. I done 5 styles of tae kwon do.

I was at my peak until I had personal issues, emotional and psychological abuse from other people and with the senario that happened to me at 14, I completely lost my confidence and I also got bullied by other idiots who kept kicking me down and I just gave up the dream of becoming a successful fighter. :(

When I was 16, I tried doing shotokan Karate and done it for a year, I didnt feel the same about my success in the past.

Then at 27 I tried doing wado kai Karate for a couple months but my thyroid disease condition was taking its toll on my health. So I could not carry on...

End chapter 22

Party times:)

man I can write a book about my nights out in town. Some of them I dont remember very much because I was completely plastered.

My crazy years started when I was 16, not only did I have dodgy times but I can remember some really fab times. I went to the pubs and clubs and just partied and got really really drunk with my friends. when I moved to Glasgow before my 17th birthday.......jessssus fucking christ!!!! Not only did I experience dodgy shit but I was partying every fucking night, I was a complete alcoholic! I was off the rails man!! I met lots of crazy interesting people, made new friends, I had lots of sexy girlfriends as well as boyfriends, I was completely flying off the rails

I had a skin head because my old school friends thought it was funny to shave off all my hair. So I moved to Glasgow and people thought I was a bhuddist monk to being a nazi female to suffering from cancer - I have heard it all!

We had some crazy laughs with my old college friends. I was completely hyper active back then! So we all went out on a night out to glasgow, we were all skint students at the time. So my friend decided, without me noticing, to go around different people in the pubs and say to them "see that skin head,thats my pal she has just recovered from cancer:O and its her 18th birthday ( wee lying fucker!:P) could you be able to chip in some money for her!:O I was wondering how we all managed to get all these fancy cocktails and drinks - they must cost a fortune then I found out at the end of night whilst bloody pished to fuck that my friend was going around the bars and asking people to donate money to me because they thought I had cancer:O fucking mental!!:P hahahahh what a mad laugh!!

I had a casual scottish boyfriend who was 29 back then (eek!:P) and we ended up getting more pissed and stoned the day after my birthday bash and we went loch lommond, had wild crazy sex in a field until we saw a helicopter flying above us as if it was ready to land, we didnt notice we were in a police zone because we saw some police cars further away from us but near by, there was police tape near by there too and we heard this copper with his speaker in the helicopter and he was telling us to get out of here this is the police laallala we both panicked, jumped up and fucking fled for our lives - we never ran so fast and we never sobered up so quickly either!!

That was one crazy out there moment....never to be forgotten!!
End chapter 23

More party times

When I managed to leave the homeless hostels and all that jazz, Me and my best male friend ended up having great laughs together - we partied 4 nights a week - we were complete party animals - we pub crawled all over Glasgow, we had a good social life, we used to hit the town and paint the town red, we used to go to casinos, bars,clubs, you name it!!

One night I when I was 18, I thought I would surprise my best friend/ then boyfriend to trying out a 3 some for the first time. So we hit the gay bars and I managed to pull this fucking sex slim blonde and we got absolutely drunk and we went back home, we surprised our friend and we were fighting over his cock and everything we had a amazing experience - he felt like a virgin again. It was interesting:)

Then we never saw again until a year later and she was part of some BDSM club - I thought wow kinky bitch!:P but we never met up for regular times ...dammnn:( lol

However we had fun.

Night after night after night - we were partying at peoples houses, we were spending 600 pounds here and there on a weekend out. Just constantly partying and enjoying ourselves.

It gets more interesting......
End chapter 24

My valentines holiday from hell

Me and my bestpal/ex ended up going to hungary as part of our valentines break.

We had some nice times together although could have been better - It was snowing, it was something like minus 30 out and the country is pretty landlocked thus you dont feel the cold until it hits you. I was running around skimpy tops and and nothing else and he was like get a jacket on, its fucking cold, you will catch the flu -I was like aaaffff fuckit Im scottish who cares lallalala:P.....ooops....guesss what? I ended up with the worst fucking flue ever! It was so bad I had nose bleeds and I lost my voice.

So we ended up sight seeing, going to night clubs and pubs and we got really drunk, we went to nice restraunts and we almost got ripped off by the hungarians which was not very good.

The best part was when we went to the old mans pub, I was drinking with some mad hungarians and I was scarying them as there was blood coming out of my nose and even better was when I had a little accident where there was blood all over my backside of my jeans...embarrassing time and I got laughed at by the staff and people at the club, so we decided to head home and get we got outside we came across some hungarian pick pockets they asked us for a cigarette and asked us if we are english we said we are scottish not english and one of the girls grabbed my friends balls and he pushed him away and oh dear we got robbed - cash,cards,everything!

I was so angry and I tried run back after them then he tried to stop and said " this is hungary and this is eastern europe and you dont know who these fuckers are linked with so lets just go to the police station"

We told the police what happened... I was like fucking hell police stations look more cosy in the uk than here- the police in my country will give you and sandwiches but not in hungary - they pointed to me to a sink and looked disgusting and slimey as fuck i was like nooo I am not drinking from that....that was quite an experience!

SO we ended up walking home to our hotel and we told the guys at the hotel what happened and they were very nice to us, they gave us food and drinks for free, they even allowed us to use the phone to contact family and friends - my family were cunts and they said to me pffff your on your own, you got yourself in that situation piss off!

His father ended up helping us and he was " omfg your stuck behind the iron curtain son lalalalllalll" and he wired transfered 100 pounds to help us get the coach to the airport which was 30 miles away from budapest.

Arrived there and courtesy of easy jet they cancelled our flights due to blizzards and bad snowy weather. We saw the plane going around in circles trying to drop off the passengers they ended up dumping over 600 Brits in the Czech rep. Left 100s of British tourists stranded in the airport in budapest and we brits all stuck together and we all helped each other with food and cash, I was crying my eyes out because I thought oh we are fucking doomed and stuck in hungary and we can get back home, one scots guy contacted the press and told them what happened along with many others and around that time - we effectively changed the european law where if you end up having a cancelled flight you get comphensation and if your flight is delayed for more than 2 hours, you get up 250 pounds comphensation.

We struggled to get flights back home and at first we were supposed to be travelling seperately - i was supposed to be travelling to london luton and he was meant to be travelling to either heathrow or stanstead the following day after me but we managed to sweet talk and use our lovely scottish charms to get the flight back to new castle - where we were supposed go to and we managed to sneak in and fly together.

We arrived in New castle and we were supposed to stay over night this plus hotel at the airport and we told the guys what happened and they were like wow we heard about that on the news omg terrible ok we will sort you out with something, so we chose to sleep in the hall way but we managed to by luck get the best room in the hotel - the premier suite! the expensive one and we only paid for the standard one...we had champagne in the room, we had a living room the in the bedroom , we had nice bath,showers, food , it was wow fantastic....and the manager gave it to us at no extra cost:) so that was very nice of him

Whilst I was stranded in hungary, I was making money from the british tourists - I got about 40 pounds to help with food and stuff.

We had to pay for another train ticket back home, despite telling them what happened.
we managed to get back home to glasgow safe and sound

End chapter 25

Beauty pageants...yes! me doing my miss congeniality:P....and entered Big Brother auditions too

After the break up with my ex fiance from sweden, He was constantly telling me that I am not that beautiful for him, I am not that good looking to be a model alalalal and it really hurt me deep down with his emotional and psychological shit...anyway...fair enough I am not a Play boy looking model but I was like well I am curious and I could do with a wee boost of confidence and just have a laugh and be all girly and crazy :P and no I am not those kind of girls who is like I love myself and I am better than you...oh nooo.....noooooooooo this girl here just wanted to do something crazy!:) and to put the beauty pageant world to shame:P ahhahhha

So I decided to enter miss student uk and wanted to represent plus size girls, It was one of those sms and email votes, I was on the newspapers, promotion cards,promotion leaflets,etc. I was on the radio too, thought to myself back then am I bloody ugly? I did have lots of offers to model for FHM, Television X ( uk version play boy) , Rimmel London, etc,etc. I have also been scammed by modeling agencies as well ...not fun!

so anyway back to the miss student uk nonsense, There were only 3 scots girls in the whole of scotland who entered this competition and we all won our titles. I won miss glasgow 2007 and was chosen by the judges because they loved my " big blue eyes" as they put itXD lol

So I won £250 pounds for the competition along with the other girls. The rest of the girls in England, wales and northern ireland won 500 pounds as they had to properly compete with each other and we scots lassies got it luckyXD:P I ended up coming in top 20 out of over 10,000 applicants and contestants in the UK.

I got plastered with some famous uk celebs from will mellor to some famous English football players too. it was great fun! I was hanging around with the press and we just got drunk in the VIP lounge too in manchester, England.

we all got up on stage, first round we started introducing ourselves, second round we all wore our lovely dresses,I was showing my tits to the celebs :O:P ooh dear..not good ...I was very plastered:P

then there was a break, I saw some girls doing some pole dancer and I have always wanted to become a pole dancer so I tried a bit of pole dancing and I was constantly going around and around in circles and trying out new moves which did not work out very well, one of my contestant friends from glasgow said that she left my phone,bags,etc with someone and I was like fucking hell:O so I ended up puking almost all over the press and the audience whilst pole dancing:O oooh dearr.....

Then these English bouncers decided to try and kick me and bar me and I was fighting with them and told them I am only here in manchester for one night? why on earth bar me? so the manager from miss student uk came to the rescue, spoke to the manager and I had to apologize to him and everything was cool....ppheewww!

Then came the third round and I got up on stage, grabbed the micro phone off the celeb host and said " ladies and gentlement and celebs I just want to announce that I am sorry for puking whilst pole dancing and I hope you all forgive me" So the uk celeb actor turned around to me and shouted " did you just puke whilst pole dancing over the press and everyone?" I said aye( yes) and He screamed and shouted " OH YOU FUCKING MAD BASTARD I LOVE YOU" He came up on stage, gave me a massive cuddle and burled me around, I even got a lot of photos taken of me too!:D it was fantastic :)

I was even singing on stage too.

Then I was placed in the top 20, never made it to the top 10 and there was the blonde stick insect who was very good looking and she won miss world, miss england, miss las vegas, miss hawaiin tropic, miss fucking everything and she got the 10,000 pound cash prize plus holiday:) I was really really really really pissed and I remember crying my eyes out in typical beauty pageant style haahahaahahahaha I got a lot of congrats from the audience and celebs, a lot of them said I should be an entertainer and I should apply for big brother

I took their advice and applied for big brother auditions in 2010 in Glasgow and I was initially voted number one to go through the Big brother gates but got pipped off by 2 cute blondes from england and a very well spoken no personality scots guy. I was like eh? oh well:P

I had a lot of fun

End chapter 26

The kind of girl I am in general

I am generally a very out going girl, always up for a laugh, I am very random, charming, sincere, loyal,trustworthy, can talk for Scotland, very honest, open minded, I have my moments of keeping calm cool and collective and there are times I am very crazy and wild and full of fun, I do have a big personality and I am very giggly, bubbly, bouncy,fluffy like a marshmallow on the inside and very caring and kind and generous girl, I have been told that I am quite an intelligent girl at the same time I am very blonde. I walking teddy bear and generally try to be everyone's wee pal:)

Bad sides about me - I can be a little untidy ( its a working progress but far better than I was 10 years ago - It was a typical rock and roll stars pit everything trashed to fuck), chaotic and moody - again these are working progresses at the moment and doing pretty well.

As I have mentioned that I suffer from Bipolar affective disorder with Borderline personality disorder which is more or less linked with my underactive thyroid.- Not fun:( I am on the mend, I am on medicines for the rest of my life and I have the conditions under control with medicines although its going to take some time to get better with my thyroid condition as I am still experiencing crazy symptoms - mostly low energy, feeling sluggish,lazy, lethargic,chronic fatigue and just generally run down and generally this " cant be fucked with anything " feeling. There is some progress.

My friends will say I am a very crazy in a good way, interesting,funny,full of fun, awesome ,easy to talk to,tough as old boots type girl with a kind heart, very bubbly,very helpful and will do anything for anyone and will go to great lengths for anyone if they need help or whatever! I am like a big kid that's never grown up!

People make this assumption " aah you got mental health issues - run for the fields" I am like I am not that bloody bad! Christ almighty give me a chance and get to know the real me!

If they saw me years ago then yeah steer clear I was pffffffff a time bomb on constant explosion mode but now, I have kinda calmed and slowed down over the years, I still do crazy stuff who doesnt? There is no such thing as so called fucking normal! I have learned a lot about people,my aim and intention is to keep happy. I am not some serial killer, mass murdering psychopath... I am a very nice natured type woman who is very misunderstood by many people!

when people meet me at first, I am a very open minded, honest, easy to talk to girl, generally people feel good in my company. When people treat me like shit,talk to me like shit I flip and I get very moody and withdrawn. I tend to be 50 50 with people and I am very fair and forgiving with people too. I just need to feel loved and valued by good people.

generally I am a good woman to be with if they treat me well and treat me good and keep me happy and I will keep them happy:) either accept me or dont. If you cant accept me, dont hurt me!


End chapter 27

What I look for in a man

A man that is just generally nice, loyal,trustworthy,reliable,very understanding,decent,caring,loving,intelligent - definitely intelligent! I have had my fair share of idiots - I don't mind if he acts like one in a positive way,but please not negative. I dont want some bad boy type - be that in the bedroom but thats it. I like a quaint, mellow, down to earth, easy to talk to, easy going man, I hate fake personalities, I hate men showing "mr nice guy representative" to mask their true personalities, I like a man to be himself without any fake nonsense. I like a man to be dominant in the bedroom.

End chapter 28

another ting about what I want from a man...

....I DONT WANT ANY FUCKING DRAMA, CHEATERS,LIARS,BULLSHITTERS,ETC - YES I HAVE BEEN A CHEAT WHEN I WAS TEEN BUT AH NO! I WILL NEVER EVER DO THAT! I ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT! I have been cheated on before and never again! Just treat every day like a nice holiday and do different things and have some time for us whether its having a candlelit dinner to having a few drinks and watching DVDs or something cosy like that whilst we snuggle!

I am a very easily pleased woman.:)

End chapter 29

Another beauty pageant - miss(ed) opportunities:P

I entered lots of beauty pageants - miss international in 2009 and I was selected for the regional finals which consisted of a photo shoot and an interview and I was very close of being through to the grand finals for Miss Scotland international but it was passed onto someone else.... ah well...but hey I was a regional finalist for Donald trumps beauty pageant which was pretty cool:)

I entered miss earth a few times and was selected to be in the top 8 for miss Scotland but never made it due to sponsorship issues, miss intercontinental GB - I was chosen in the top 3 to represent miss photogenic for miss intercontinental GB and in the top 10 miss Scotland intercontinental GB too but I had the flu :(

I entered another competition called miss limo Europe in 2008 and I came in the top 60 out over 800,000 applicants or something in Europe but never made it to the top 40 grand final. aah well never mind:P

In 2014, I was chosen for miss plus size international grand final and I was supposed to go to Birmingham for the competition but I couldn't get down there nor book a hotel as it was fully booked.

I have been offered one of the first places for Miss galaxy Scotland grandfinals 2015 and unfortunately I can not find a sponsor and I was hoping to represent BBW/curvy women but ah well never mind....:P

I was placed in the top 50 in the world out of 200,000 applicants for face of sapphire model competition which was pretty cool:)

End chapter 30

Dodgy month of dates in scotland

I have went through a phase where I thought ok, lets try dating some fellow scotsmen for a change....oh fucking god...
There was time 8 years ago, I had months full of dates - there was nothing sexual with them either! I will mention some of them - its a long list and most of them were un interesting and boring as fuck! But I will mention a few...

I met one guy from Glasgow from a local UK dating site and pff what a joke, this guy seemed like a genuine OK man until I met him, He was high on drugs, he turned up drunk and he scared the flipping fuck out of me, he wanted to take me out for a meal and drinks I spent 10 mins with the guy and I left him...just oh goodd...nooooo!

Then the following day I met a scots guy who was cute but had no personality, no interests, fuck all and all he wanted to do was sit in the pub....pffff

Then the following day I met a guy who was up his own arse and a working class snob if you like and his idea of taking me on a date was going to some old mans pub in some rough end of glasgow, then the bookies - WHAT??? THE FUCKING BOOKIES?? he spent a shit load of money on a horse and lost it all....sorry but noo way and there are better things he could do with 400 pounds than playing it on a horse like he couldve made the effort and took me to the cinemal or somewhere romantic... GET A LIFE!...then invited me to his house and all he did was play computer games, made some crap dinner and then he got some cocaine out and I just thought fuck this I am off...byee

The following day I met a chinese scottish guy and he wined and dined me and he was really nice and as soon as I kissed him he thought he owned me I was like em noo sorry! then he went mental and accused me of using him to buy dinners....em yeah....bye!

The following day I met another scots guy who claimed to be a comedian in Glasgow - he thought he was gonna meet a model when he saw my professional photo of me in my turquoise bikini - silly man! He looked at me as if to say oh! your not what I thought you were and he was like do you fancy going to the cinema? I said em ok he paid for the tickets, paid for the food and drinks, told me he needed to get some money from the bank and left me waiting 45 mins for him and I was like fuck this! I got a refund on one of the tickets and used that money to get a bus back home....fucking joke of a guy!

Then another day I met another guy he was actually from England and he took to me a fine czech restraunt in glasgow and we have lots of nice gourmet food and we got on like a house on fire and he dropped me off home and gave me a kiss and that was it never to be seen again...ah well nice date I guess...

The following I met another scots guy and he was very typical scottish cheap and tight fisted! He was very miserable and he was like I am not taking you to a restraunt, I want to go to Mcdonalds and get a bottle of juice to share with nooo!! I hate mcdonalds and thats not a date... so I left him

The rest were all fucking boring as shit, hardly any good conversation, we had a few drinks and that was it..bye!...I will stick to international dating!

End chapter 31

Daft polish dates

I met lots of polish guys from some uk/polish dating sites.....FUcking crazy people

This was around 2008-09

I met a few polish guys, one of them thought I was some model with a slim figure and all this bullshit and he would not take me out because I wasnt dressed up in a ball gown to take me out for a meal and he said he felt embarrassed taking a girl out who was wearing a sparkly tight top and jeans and high heels. ...I thought I was dressed nice and modest at least? fucking hell so we didnt do much but sit in the hotel and eat pizza and chatted and he was not really a good looking man and he thought he was something special...I was like bye

Another I met a psychotic polish guy who had a masters degree in clinical Psychology,.....I was like fuck me!! He was constantly analyzing me for a little while then we went for a few drinks and had a nice night then we met up a few times and he even bought my art work for £100 and got me teddy bears and shit like that then turned into a fucking psycho - he was playing mind games and all this wacky shit....I was like fuckk meee get this guy to fuck!!!!! lleeaaavveeeeeee meee allonnne you creeppy psycho fuck!!!!!!!!!!

Then another polish guy who was very charming bought me one drink took me to his apartment thought he would get sex from me and I ran off....I was like bye

I met another polish guy and he was built like fucking tank and have very slavic looks and the eyes to kill you and I was like omfg nice looking bad boy but kinda not the kinda guy I want to mess with on a saturday night,.....He was one bigggg fucking lebowski kinda guy! Hands like fucking shovels - the big guy scared the utter crap out of me! He was kinda odd - He was kinda half psycho half hard man type half cold and no personality....We decided to go for a few drinks then we went bowling and he got bored and I was like the only one laughing and giggling and being all bubbly and nice and he was like stubborn and yeah not very hmmm...he was a complex guy! I ended up just leaving the man!

Then I met another crazy polish guy, went for a few drinks, a meal and then he was all over me like fuck and wanted to have kids with me, get a house together and he thought I was the best thing since sliced bread all this on one night, I wished I never gave him my number because he was sending mad text messages to my phone saying he wanted to get me pregnant and have babies and spend his whole entire life with me and he was contacting me for 9 months begging me for sex without a condom...He was cookoo!!!! He had acne puss stuff on his face I was like eewww and he sent me pics of his clean skin and shit! aarrrrgghhhh

A lot of polish guys I met were complete mentalists and some were nice enough and decent ohh goodd!!!

End chapter 32

Crazy indian irish date

I went to northern ireland when I about 16-17 and he was a nice guy but was very fussy about his taste in women - he wanted size 0-8 girls with very long hair and a certain look about them, he didnt find me that

So we ended up having some nice times together, we got drunk, we went out for meals, we went partying all night with his friends....

One day we saw some crazy shit in northern irelands - I saw nuns chasing after this woman who was screaming her head off....followed by a hysterical woman who was one minute with her 3 kids and she abandoned them and ran away from her kids, her kids were crying and screaming after her then she was approached by a bunch of priest and nuns and she was on her knees screaming her head off in a prayer position - me, the indian irish man and his other white irish friend was like what the fuck is going on...his friend was like oh its northern ireland after all....

Then we went on a big night out and ended up losing the guys and a Whole bunch of irishmen were surrounding and creaming their pants over my scottish accent and they were fucking 16 irishmen asking me for my number and I got chatting to this very very charming irish man and he was like what the hell are you doing in Londonderry? I told him what happened and told him my date brought me over and found me less attractive? He was like for fecksake! feck off! your a fuckiing model and got a cracking size 12 figure lets go for a little irish jig:) I will look after you girl :) He got me completely plastered we went to different bars,He asked me my surname and he thought I was related to this family in ireland who links with the ira and I was likeeee noooooooooooooooooooo fucking hellllllllllll nooooooooooooooooooo noooooooooooooooooo fucking oohh noooo....he said oh thank fucking christ! Your surname is irish? I just went aye I have been told however my family are all scots....anyway

So we had a lot of fun together and then the next day I woke up with a massive hangover and he dropped me off at my dates, gave each other a kiss and (we kept in touch for 6 month and then he decided not to contact me any more). we got out the car and the indian irish man was very pissed off with the fact that i disappeared and he was like we got one hour to get your ass on the ferry to scotland i was like shitt so we got in the car and he put the foot down and we were speeding like fuck , passing through red traffic lights and shit wow some fucking driving!!!! never experienced anything like that!!

got home and we never spoke again but i have to admit he had a crazy accent....
End chapter 33

gotta say this

I am kinda sick to death of scotland.....I have my fair share of good and bad memories and looking to a prosperous future and creating happier memories with new mates and new man abroad. I am on the right path to a good life now. I am studying full time and doing pretty well at the moment! I am starting to get my shit together and its all looking good
End chapter 34

gay bars

what an experience I had - I was bi curious at 16, took an ecstacy tablet and some weed became bisexual! :D class man!!:D

I was on one mental discovery of myself and I had wild sex with beautiful women, even kissed and had fore play with a transexual too it was interesting....

My first bisexual experience was with a girl who was super fit and blonde and athletic - we got drunk at a gay bar and we had amazing sex at my apartment and that was when I was like yeahh I am bisexual baby:D

A few weeks later - I met 5 other beautiful big and small perky titied women with beautiful slim hour class curves - these women were flying high on weed and other kinds of drugs - we just had lots of fun together and I was offered to have 5 sexy model type girls on me I was like am I fucking dreaming - these play boy tv types want to fuck me and have wild orgy sex?? wowwoowooow.....SOoo we all made out with toys and shit, we spent all night in a hotel fucking each other senseless- that was best sexual experience I had with women!!!!

I wished I kept in contact with them

When I comes to men I dont bother about their looks tooo much but there is a line too....however with women -- boy I know my kinds of women I like to pick up;)

I even stripped to my underwear and had some beautiful women surrounding me and making out with me on the dancefloor too:D

there are more crazy stories about girls ....
End chapter 35

interesting bisexual blond bombshell

The craziest story I ever had was with a woman who was 32 and I was 18 and she fucking had the face of a beautiful doll, the body of an angel and the legs and pussy to lick for hours.....

.;.......she was scottish and she came up to me and asked me fancy a date and a good time chick? I was like fuck yeah!:D lets all have fun:)

we got drunk at the gay bar and we made out and then we were like lets go to the straight bars and make out and get all the guys to buy us drinks and give them fake numbers too:P


We done a massive pub crawl and got absolutely drunk and got a lot of guys buying us drinks and asking us to have 3 somes with them and we were likeee naaahhh lol:P

then we went to a theme bar in glasgow called jumpin jaks and we went to the girls toilets and we pushed each other in the girls toilets and we freaked a lot of straight girls and they were omfg fucking lesbians bastards we were banging each other senseless, we were screaming and bangin on the toilet doors and walls because we were doing it with extreme passion!!!

then we got even more drunk and we both stripped down to oour underwear and we had sex on stage infront of everyone - every guy and bar staff were screaming and howling and giving it woohoooo yeah baby fuck yeah wowooowowowow

the dj host was screaming yess get fucking in there girls omfg your not having sex fucking stooopp omg this is hot ahhahhhhhhahhh

we got free bottles of champagne from the manager at the club and cocktails and all sorts of nice things - we got offers by the DJ to have 3 somes and shit - tons of guys were surrounding us it was amazing then things went a bit pear shaped in the end.......
End chapter 36

The story continues about the bisexual blonde....

....she turned out to be paranoid schizophrenic and she started acting very odd....we bumped into 2 psychiatric nurses on a night out with their NHS badges I was like what the fuck----- hey I just spent the best happy hour in that psychiatric ward known as the night club that we were in and now we meet 2 psychiatric nurses....holy fuck!!

we ended up staying over night at their place and whilst travelling to other side of glasgow, she was cursing and swearing crying laughin everything all at once and she scared me

so after staying over night she woke up with hangover and was acting very crazy

then she tried to have sex with me on the bus and I was like noo
then we went back to her house and we had joints and she was taking her meds and then she was going cookooo i decided to flee

she sent really scary voicemails and text messages

like she was seeing eyes at the window and stuff...fucked up!!!!!!
yeah and I got mental problems? wow
End chapter 37

Getting work experience

What a bitch trying to find a job, My first " job" was working as as trainee reception - it was more like job training and I was doing that for 6 month. After that I was applying all kinds of jobs from working in shops to modelling to working for FHM to pose topless...omg I was really desperate to make money and I was 16 back then....

I had no clue about interview techniques, how to sell myself to get a job or anything like - I just came out of school with bugger all qualifications and they would not hire me because I dont have qualifications....

then I got job for one night a turkish restraunt and the boss was a complete arrogant cunt and he sacked me because I was too nervous for the job...:(

then applied for other jobs, got nothing!

Moved to Glasgow, applied for shit loads of jobs - I was 17 at the time and I was living in Glasgow for a very short time and I got hired by one indian woman at her indian restraunt and I worked my ass off for 6 hours and she decided that I was inexperienced and too nervous for the job, you wont get your wages, we will give you a curry instead for your hard work...fucked up!! back then I did know my employment rights or fuck all and I was really angry!!

Then I applied for a job and it was a sales job and ok it was crap but at the same I had a lot of fun working there and I was earning 6 pound an hour which was 2 pound more than the min wage 12 years ago. I worked there for one month and I was constantly moved around to different sales companies because they felt sorry for me and I was crying my eyes out as well going please dont sack me, I am trying to get myself out of the homeless situation. They gave me 3 chances to try and make a sale and I wasnt reaching the targets at all! I ended up getting sacked:( which was not good

then I worked in restraunts, bars,clubs and mini casinos - I went through jobs like sweets....I had companies tell me oh your too enthusiastic for work, your not 18, your not 21, you dont have qualifications,etc,etc,etc....I was hitting my head against a fucking brick wall so after a lot of mental shit with health and so on, I ended up on the sick....

not good:(

However I am not the kind of girl who just gives up! I have tried college and university and neither of them worked out until I was 25 I studied a law course then done other education courses and achieved my units in them and I also achieved a university qualification too.

Now I am studying my Diploma in Social science and I am doing really well with it despite my health battles and so on...I am not a quitter!!
End chapter 38


This is one crazy guy I met from Albania and he was absolutely sexy with his mousey brown eyes and general dark mysterious looks - I was like wow I am in heaven man:)

We met each other when I was around 22-23 at a casino and I was wearing thick diamond choker and casino royal style black dress and my hair up done and make up done professionally too and during that night I had shit loads of offers from really nice guys and refused them over this mad albanian man because I thought wow woof he is bloody gorgeous!:D

we had a few drinks, few smokes, good conversation - he was a very smooth talker and good conversationalist:) also a very good kisser too:)

we got really drunk and we were all over each other like flies around shit.

We decided to have sex in public - on a fucking bus infront of people!:D I was trying to be very discreet because there were people watching but then after a while I was like I dont give a flying fuck and he was the same :) So I was bouncing on him constantly like a crazy maniac and people turned around and wondered what the fuck we were doing hhahhahhahhha - funny as fuck man!:P

then we arrived at his place and had wild sex

it was fun :)

End chapter 39

The mad hatter irishman

I was at a nightclub in Glasgow and I was dancing like a maniac - I was in my teens when this happened.

This man from southern ireland came up to me pssst fancy a shag? I was like yeah why not! we didnt know each others names or anything like that. He guided me to his hotel and we just banged each other like crazy - then his handsome looking irish friends came and caught us shagging I was like oh fuck!:p I ended up banging their friends:D what A lot of fun and the most craziest and most daring thing I have ever done:P

After I was done with them - I went onto some other guy and got really stoned and drunk and made crazy wild sex with him too:) fantastic man:)

End chapter 40

my lovely holiday in portugal

Me and best mate were badly needing a good break somewhere nice so we went on a self catering holiday in portugal.

We had a great time there, went for walks in the beach, I even got massive waves splashing at me whilst sitting on the steps near the beach in the algarve. it was really cool.
We went sightseeing, went for nice meals, visited the places where the very rich and wealthy live - it was fantastic:)

We went to some kareoke bars and clubs there too. There was one kareoke bar where me and my best mate were the only ones singing there it...I ended up singing outside the veranda and getting people to come inside for a laugh and I got a lot of people coming inside which was pretty cool:)

Then there was this woman from angola who was in 50s or something and she was wild and she was giving it all sexy dancing infront of my friend - he felt uncomfortable when she started giving it all - I love sex, I want sex nananannanannah lol

So eventually we just ran out of the place so she wont come chasing after us..particularly my mate:P lol

We had some really nice times together and when I look back at my pics I was like wow I was really slim man....I want my figure back man!:(

End chapter 41

holidays in blackpool:)

I went to blackpool x2 with my best mate - we went on theme park rides, the blackpool tower, went for nice meals down there too, casino, the ballroom - we tried a bit of ball room dancing and we even got taught how to do ball room dancing too:)

we went to the circus as well - We just had lots and lots of fun too:D

End chapter 42

night out with the British Navy Lads

Nothing beats a good laugh with a bunch of military boys:) I was out with them when I was in my early 20s.
The drinking games, the laughs, all those fit men in uniform ..arrggghhhhh

around 40 odd navy lads were all over me and this black girl i was with like shit - they were desperate for one thing lol

We all got drunk, played dares and shit like that and some crazy drinking games - we were balancing drinks on our tits and stuff like that:D and getting all the guys to drink from them:P ehehhehhe

Then I was going around all the guys giving them kisses and foreplay - It was mad, then I ended up in the same room as this black girl and this navy boy and I watched the both of them have sex and I was completely wasted - the guy wanted to have sex withe me and I was like no thanks then he turned around and " she is black - I dont like black chicks - its just pussy yeah but nah shes not attractive alalalllala" I was like em get fucked! night night i am off to sleep lol

End chapter 43

Human trafficking....close call

This is the most craziest story and wow never thought this would happen to me.....this was many many years ago.

I was in the city shopping and I came across this man from some eastern European country ( not sure if he was russian or georgian) and he was like wow your very beautiful, that dress really suits you! I said thank you:) so we got talking and stuff like that. He invited me for a drink to his place and he said we are having a party at my place with some of my friends, do you fancy coming over? I said yeah why not! I only had 2 pound left in my pocket after buying a dress that I wanted and that was all I had and he knew that and was like dont worry, I will help you out.

So we ended somewhere outside glasgow, I couldnt tell you where it was as it was unfamiliar to me. we had a few drinks and had a great time, he invited his friends over from all over eastern europe. everything was nice and relaxed and easy going.

Then the eastern european guy I was with said we need to go into the kitchen, I need to sort out some money issues. I said ok, so I was talking to the other guys in the living room and I saw at a glance the eastern european guy had a thick chunk of bank notes and was giving it to his friend who was from ukraine.

so we partied all night and the next day everyone was getting into their cars, I got into the same car as the ukrainian and georgian, the georgian said my friend will look after you, I need to sort out some business I will come and pick you up later and I will take you back home. He left me with the ukrainian man and we went to some different place outside this other place. I went with the flow.

We went his house somewhere outside glasgow near cumbernauld, we got drunk and he was like we will have a party tonight :) your friend will come over soon, so we had people from serbia,etc coming over and having a few drinks and party and then the ukrainian said to me I am going to the kitchen, we have business to sort out - so they were talking in their own language and I saw more big amounts of cash being given to each other and I thought maybe their helping each other out with whatever it maybe....

So everything was going well and the next day we all went into each others cars, I went in with the ukrainian and he dropped me off at some other place with some girl from russia who was very beautiful the ukrainian guy said he will pick up the my other friend and he will bring him over here, mean while spend time with my girlfriend:) so she says relax I will not harm you:) lets have a good time and a party and we will have a few drinks and have a good girly chat whilst they come back over...

everything was going well, more people from other countries were there having some drinks- mostly eastern europe and some chinese as well, she said I need to go to the kitchen to do some business...this is where I was like wait a minute - there seems to be a pattern here - they are all some how going to the kitchen and her and the rest are pulling out big chunks of money and muttering away in their own language...I said where is the other guys? they all laughed and the girl said relax they will come over! So I said I am going to the toilet, they were like ok....I ended up running out of the house, as soon as I left the house, they started shouting get that fucking girl chased after me and I was shitting my pants, I never ran so fucking fast in my life, cutting through house, past shops,etc - I saw 2 taxis parked and I jumped into one of them told them I want to go to the police station and I need you to go now...I am in trouble...he was like right ok and he locked the doors and put the foot down...they were still chasing after me and i saw them stopping and going nuts, they were on the phones and so on...I never looked back - I was crying my eyes out, I told the taxi driver I only have 2 pound, told them what happened and he said ok... sigh! I let you off with it...its not your fault!

I Went to the police station, reported what happened, told them some places I didnt recognise but told them some places we drove by, the shops, certain landmarks,etc

They dropped me off at my house, gave me some contact details and said just keep yourself safe...

Some time later they told me that
Because I did not have the address details, they could not find them however they will investigate those areas near by those towns and cities I was in and do a thorough search.

I never heard anything since....I kept a low profile for a long time...

End chapter 44

Pole dancing

I tried for while to get myself into pole dancing clubs since I was 16/17.

I heard from other girls that they make good money and so on and when I first moved to Glasgow, the first thing I did was contact these people.

I heard about one beautiful girl who was a danish hairdresser and she was forced to have sex with 2 80 year old men in the " champagne room " in one of the pole dancing/gentlement clubs somewhere in Glasgow, I was like naaah I dont fancy that so I gave up the idea for a while

At 25-26, I decided to try out pole dancing classes and I had a lot of fun, It was a pretty expensive hobby in my opinion - It was almost 15 pound per hour and I learned a few moves here and there but I thought I am cheaper buying a dance pole and a step by step DVD and practicing it at I decided to quit....

Before I done the the classes, I tried a bit of pole dancing at some night clubs and at my beauty pageant - it was fun:D
End chapter 45

The dutch experience....what a mental story this

I was talking to this dutch guy on the internet when I was almost 18 and homeless and he was homeless and living in glasgow. and we spoke to each other for a year.

This gets even more freaky...

We lost contact each other for a year and I ended up working in some restaurant in Glasgow and he was working as a security at the same place I was working.

So I went out for a cigarette, I saw him and asked him for a cigarette then we got talking and I asked him what his name was and where he was from....I was like holy fuck can I ask you a question? Is your username groncieguy on yahoo? He says thats right I went omg do you remember talking to a girl called schottland_jen? he said yeah i do ...OMFG THATS ME DUTCHY:D HE WAS LIKE OMFG THAT IS SO FREAKY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? WHERE ARE YOU NOW? WHAT IS GOING ON?
WE WERE BEST OF MATES FOR YEARS:D we used to meet each other a lot when he was working away...

I ended up losing my job at the restaurant due to lack of experience...I was like ah fuck this!

Then something bad happened

On feb 2007, he was accused of sexually abusing this 11 year old who was half scottish half and my best pal were like fucking shocked and we were like nah he doesnt come across the type that would do that shit so we kept our distance, he ended up being hounded by neds and chavs and all sorts of people around glasgow, he had been attacked and shit like that....he end up fleeing for his life....we lost contact but I wont be surprised if he is back in holland

Part of me felt sorry for the guy as part of me felt nah! I dont believe it....the other part of me was like well I dont know best to keep my distance because you just simply dont know until proven otherwise and even then who knows!

So I told him good bye and good luck!

End chapter 46

nasty nasty stories

I was 18 at the time and I was living in a really fucked up homeless in a ghetto area of Glasgow. I was out for a night out with friends and I got taxi back to the homeless hostel. I was sitting the front of the taxi and I was 2 pound short of my taxi fare and he turned around and said to me oh your sexy and beautiful and he pulled his cock out and tried to force my head to give him a blow job, I was like fuck off!!! I struggled to get away and ran into my hostel - he actually thought I was a prostitute just because I live in homeless hostel...fucking asshole!!!!

One time when I left the homeless hostel rubbish and moved in with my Scottish ex boyfriend, 5 weeks or so living in his house, I decided to go out shopping.

I went to the Italian leather clothing shop and I saw some nice leather jackets, so these guys that claimed to be half Italian half Turkish and what have you they were making me cups of tea and being all hospitable and they got me to try on some nice jackets and so on...then one of them said to me come behind the shop I will show you more stuff and then he tried to have sex with me I was like fuck off man...I ran out of the shop

Another time, I was out in town, I knew this Pakistani guy for one year who was very friendly, he was married with 12 children and I used to buy a lot of things from his shop, then one time he says I am selling my shop for 30,000 pounds I said oh ok, he says come have a look around and he showed me around and then he pushed me against the wall and tried to have sex with me I was like fuck off!! I pushed him away, then he was trying to get me again,I said fuck off I am not interested and ran out of the shop...never saw him again!!

End chapter 47

Life now between 2012-2014

I had some nice memories of traveling and a few heart aches too but struggled a lot with my health conditions. Its not been easy living with hypothyroidism, the constant sleeping 22 hours a day every day and waking up not feeling you have had a refreshed sleep and feeling really fucked and shattered every day then other days there has been insomnia but you feel completely exhausted and you want to sleep all the time. also the mood swings, brittle hair, unable to style my hair properly as its constantly flat,lifeless and in bad condition no matter how many times u wash I ended up chopping all my hair off. It was fucking terrible! My face looked terrible and was very puffy and still is but not as bad as it was back 2013. I was constantly feeling hot and cold all the time....oh christ the symptoms were horrible there were times I felt like killing myself because I was so so low and feeling really really completely unmotivated, tired, too pooped to clean the house and was really fucking bad and I do feel for a lot of women with my condition who have kids as its very bloody disabling and doctors just do not fix the problem at all!They tell you " its all in your with your symptoms" and that the lab tests are all "normal" but dont treat you by your symptoms, I found 1 doctor who left me ill in 2013 and no other option but to self medicate and I started to see some improvement and changes to my condition but my ex was the one paying for the meds and I was like I cant rely on this guy for life( and I just knew he will end up breaking up with me and he did dump me after coming out of hospital...arsehole!). I was still experiencing symptoms and he told me that all that is all in my head and I needed to a shrink...I was like fucking hell!!...

I saw one endocrinologist who treated by my labs instead of my symptoms and I was really puffy, poisoned like fucked with the medicines I was taking, then I ended up switching to natural hormone treatment called pig thyroid medicine and i started to lose weight a little, my face started to slim down, my acne was going away but the feelings of tiredness and exhaustion was still lingering and lack of appetite as well. It was hellish...Then I saw another endocrinologist who was very thorough and a lot better than the last one but its a working progress at the moment!

I have been unable to go out places, I had to force myself and struggle to get out of bed and try to keep awake - it was hellish and often felt like I wanted to collapse and fall to the ground...exercise is really difficult and still is as I have to have my thyroid medicines at optimal levels before I can be able function near enough like a human being in order to have more energy to exercise and I have to treat my adrenal and cortisol issues too, also I need to bump up my vitamin levels at optimal levels in order for me to function properly and I have to fork out a fortune on all this health shit, vitamins,gluten free food, organic food its money that I don't have to spend because I am often faced with the choice between heat or eat during the winter along with other bills,taxes,etc. its a bloody pain in the ass!

I really wish there was a cure for this condition because its a bloody fucking nightmare and your just feeling constantly run down, there are people like me that have conversion problems with their hormones and you end up constantly feeling ill and run down and its a fucking bitch to certainly dont get any sympathy from anyone!! people think " oh your fat and fucking lazy get out and get a job, get out and do stuff, go out and exercise, do something...oh why you so fucking moody? fucksake your not looking after your health, your just making excuses because you cant arsed doing anything and blaming it all on your condition allalallalla"..... I am fucking struggling ignorant fucks! Its really hard to concentrate at college, when your constantly falling asleep in class, holding onto a job is really difficult when your condition is not treated properly and doctors dont give you any time of day to listen to you and your symptoms and they tell you to go on a diet and exercise - I am like fuck off! treat my fucking condition properly!! I am often crying my eyes out with agony and It got so bad I ended up on shit loads of anti depressants,anti psychotic injections,tablets for obsessive compulsions,impulsions,etc,etc,etc most of my problems with mood swings and so on are physical not mental!!! Instead of giving me a ton of antideps and doping me up, why cant they fucking treat my hormone issue properly? its so easy to treat and If I had the money, I would go private and get sorted out properly and get my health back and lose a little bit more weight and go back to my proper size too and be able to bloody work as well and get myself off the bloody drugs too!!! But nooooooooooo these fuckers high above are making a fucking fortune out of our symptoms and we are used lab rats!!! The medical system for thyroid patients is fucking sick world wide!! especially here great SHITain!

It is a working progress and there have been some changes but its bloody long way and long battle to get better too!! I have some digestive problems too and its all linked!!...its hellish man!! If its not treated properly it turns bloody life threatening!

I will need a good man with a lot of patience whilst I am struggling with my health. I dont intend and I do aim not to give him drama and bullshit but I have met some men who dont give a flying fuck if your ill and run away from me, I am like I am bloody sick of it! A lot of guys chase after these healthy at the time girls but they will end up getting ill, if they end up pregnant, they end up with thyroid issues too -its very common, granted there will be those who dont get any symptoms and there are others who do and what are they gonna do? karma is a bitch man! what will happen to those men who have been doing this to women and end up ill too? I think that will be a time when they start thinking oh fuck I wished I never had this, I wished I never dumped those girls in the past,laalalalaal...hell mend the lot of you!!!

I do need a strong man who can understand me and just generally keep me happy all the time and I can only do my best until I start feeling better - the rewards will be greater. There are some improvements but as for the tiredness and low energy - its a long battle!!

End chapter 48

ok sigh...what kind of girl am I like off line/in real life

2 words FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!

people see things through social conventions and point fingers at me and say things like waster, looney,etc....I am like idiots! try walking in my life in my shoes!

I have my faults, I am very chaotic due to my medical conditions and life style in general however I am controlling it the best I can. My life has been very much on the fast lane and full of madness! So I am trying to calm down everything and lead the best life as I possibley can. I have not had a very settled life!

I am a very bubbly,kind,affectionate, lovey dovey, trustworthy, kinda girl- I have my moments of calm and have my moments of being mad in a good way and I am very giggly when nervous, intense , passionate, caring, full of madness and fun, very playful, love to laugh , a bit of daft sense of humour - mostly playful:D - a dirty sense of humour:D

people have said to me that I can be hard to live with - I am a great girl over all but rather messy as fuck thats what makes it hard to live with lol

Like I said I am working on my messy side

I do tend to reach peaks of wonderfulness and tend to make people click very well with me until they say something nasty thats hurt me, I tend to flip and get really angry and start crying like a big baby then I end up feeeling really really guilty and beat myself up a lot too for being all scary and mad :S...particularly with a boyfriend and I allllwaaaayysssss try and make up to him from giving him massages to giving him cuddles to what ever:D:P

I do have a good heart of gold and many just love to rip it off of me and push my buttons and bring me down and make me feel like the size of shit! I am getting kinda sick of it!! I am also getting sick of guys looking at me and treating me like some fucking wierdo too!!

All I say to anyone who wants to be my friend/girlfriend - treat me nice, don't be so neglecting,give me plenty of cuddles and love, be patient with me and very understanding of me too:) don't be cold with me and just generally be a good person to me...I can be a cry baby at times, I am not a bloody robot or some girl you see that looks pretty and has to be placed on the shelf all the time. Stuff that!!

If you treat me like shit and mentally and emotional abuse me - I will leave and run off!!

End chapter 49

oh another thing...goood thing about me

If you have kids - I love them:) I am very protective and very mumsy wumsy with them and I do spoil them rotten too:) I got a nice friend from Iran who I have baby sitted her son and he was fantastic:) I took him swimming and all that sort of stuff....I am a good wee woman at heart!

I have came across a lot of my old friends who have kids who have distrusted other people and wont let them near them and theyve been running up to me with open arms and many people have said " kids can see right through you hun! Your a good woman" I generally do have an affect on people,kids and with animals too - the most timid and nervous and aggressive animals I've came across have generally seen something in me and allowed me to clap them and play with them too:D

End chapter 50